Friday, December 25, 2009
HAPPY HOLIDAYS AND HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Monday, December 7, 2009
Congratulations to Savannah and Josh. I couldn't be more happier. They are just excellent people and have been waiting so long and have been through so many ups and down that when I found out I almost fell out of my seat with excitement. I was so compelled to post a congratulations. We have talked so much before about our infertility and need for adoption and she has been so helpful to me and supportive from the very begining that I am just so happy this is happening for them. I always wanted to thank her so much for getting me through so many days that I was just down and need some support from someone who knew what I was going through and she was there and there more then most of my friends and I appreciated that greatly. They are going to be the best parents and I couldn't be more happier for this wonderful couple. :) :) :)
Friday, December 4, 2009
I do have to vent or write to feel better. So my friend that I talked about in the past that has been trying to get pregnant for less then a year and who has cried to me that she knows how I feel and all of that is pregnant. I don't know why but it has been botheringme since she told me yesterday. I have to see her today for a Christmas party and I don't know how to not be fake. I am digging deep to feel happy for her and I guess you have to know her is why it is so hard to feel happy for her. She is a nervous nelly and everything is a big deal and she can find a negative in the most positive things. Last year I blogged about when my friend Tricia got pregnant that My friends Sabrina was upset and leaning on me saying how she wants a baby so bad and it was just because everyone else had it. Well talking to her yesterday after she told me and I asked if she was happy and she just kept saying really nervous and scared and making a big deal out of the little stuff like she got that test to see if the baby has any down syndrome and she is waiting for the results and all of that. I told her this is what you wanted you should be happy.She says I know but I am just nervous about it all. I remember back when Tricia got pregnant that she said Tricia always said negative things and she should just be happy that she can have what we can't and what does she do. Like I said I don't know why this is bothering me so much and I wish it didn't. I truly truly don't want an infant at all but I guess the idea of never being able to experience it or to know that , that part of my life is taken away just bothers me. I guess knowing I can't have it like every other women makes me feel almost like a failure as a women. I know I am not but it is just like can I get ahead ever. Everyone around you sometimes makes you feel like they get what they want when they want it and I feel like my husband and I have just fought to get everything and we are still fighting to get everything. Like you all know this little boy the rights have not been termed yet and it scares me to death. So since I was so down on myself last night I said to time if this falls through with this little boy we are leaving the state to get a fresh start where people don't know you and you don't have to be fake with your emotions in front of people because they don't know your background. I wish I didn't feel this way but I am being very open and honest right now. I think I need to be to get this all out to feel better. I just don't like feeling this way and I found out about our other friend Tricia at this time too and it is like again. I truly want to feel happy and not selfish but I am just I guess mourning the loss of infertility. I just want to go tonight and give her a hug and congratulate her and it be honest feelings not just masked. So yeah it is hard and I wish I can just brush it off since I have my big exam tomorrow and I need to focus. Thanks for listening and letting me get it all out.
Monday, November 30, 2009
I do what to say Thanksgiving was great and I am very thankful for this little boy. He is so special to us and I can't imagine our lives without him in it. We find out Jan 13 and I pray to god that God is on our side and that this boy doesn't go back because the judge happen to be in a bad mood that day. DHS says if it was up to them he would be ours and rights would be terminated. They say though it is up to the judge and judges are like gods and that you never know what they are going to do. I find it sad that judges never have to go to all the classes we had to, to be foster parents because then they would understand the system better and what is best for the child so they don't keep the child in the system for years and years and then the child is older and nobody wants the older child. It is sad. But I can't say enough how grateful I am to have him and share this time with him. He is just so great. I can't wait till he is ours and I can share that with all of you and show pics. He is so cute. :)
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Friday, October 16, 2009
So so so so HAPPY!!!!
Monday, October 12, 2009
Monday, October 5, 2009
Friday, October 2, 2009
Well getting to the frustrating week, I e-mailed my social worker at DHS because I had got a letter from her last weekend about my Pride training classes that need to be done. Well I have a license because Catholic Social services gave me there training but it wasn't PRIDE so DHS said they will take my licences and that they would keep it open but that I had to have these classes. Well the classes are in November on Saturday's and I have classes on those days to get my certification and license to be a AAPC coder. Which in fancy terms mean I am certified and if certified you make more money and in some instances can work from home with the right job which would be great when we adopt so I am trying to look at the big picture. Anyway I can't do those classes in November and they said I need them completed by January now (didn't tell me that before) or I will not have a license for foster care to get to adoption with them, which means they can drop me. So now in my stricken panic I have called all these DHS agencies in all the county's in 60 mile radius and pretty much no luck. With holiday's coming and all they have told me that limits my chances and that my agency said they only do training once every 3 months so 4 times a year and only on set dates if you can't make it, it is pretty much oh well. Well I start classes tomorrow and I have all this landing on me. The best part is I called the agency director and told him that I could not attend the classes that month and he told me that the wait would just be longer for me because in order to have a child placed or fostered that I had to have this training and that is the reason no social worker would call me back. I explained to him that all already had another home study done and it was done by them and he was shocked and said that is not the way it worked. I also told him I did respite care for 2 children for 2 days and he said that was impossible. He told me that "you just have to do the training and soon or you are just not going to have any chance here. Like I explained to him that I want to do it and I would love to if they gave more opportunities to. So of course after talking to him while I was at work today I went home crying to Tim that this is never going to happen. I know This is where the notes of positivity came in. I also had an e-mail back from my social worker at DHS that said they have a possibility for a bi-racial child that was born very small and born early and wanted to know if we were interest. We had called her back that was on Monday and it is now Friday and have yet to hear back (frustrating). I don't get this mess at all with DHS and starting to question if going there was the right thing to do. I am also wondering if we should have just done international adoption and then it wouldn't be as difficult. Of course that wouldn't be the easiest thing but I bet we would have a child by now. I just feel defeated with no support from that agency at all. All this was never explained to us and we never get any contact with them. When we had the home study in August to do over again with a new agency they never explained anything and I asked repeatedly if they could send me info and let me know about this training as soon as possible and now look were I stand. My other social worker at CSM which is Catholic Services said there are no birth moms at this time and have only done 1 adoption this year. That is it and now the list is up to 19 couples so my chances there are limited. I thought by opening up our search it would help us find a child. I will be honest with all of you this is what we have put in our profile for what we wanted for a child. I know this is uncharted territory and nobody wants to hurt feelings or alienate people but this is what we can handle and it gives you an idea of our profile. We said we would take up to 2 children at a time and any gender that doesn't matter either way and age ranging from 0-6 years old and anything from 6-10 would have to depend on the situation. We said we would take Caucasian, bi-racial, Asian, Hispanic, Muslim, native American (if able to be adopted), and a couple of different ethnicity's that I can't think of off the top of my head but they were options on the paper we filled out. We said we would take children with mild special need. This is not to hurt any feelings or that I have anything against special need and I think people who adopt and take care of special needs children are really special people, but I work full time and have to with no choice because I carry the insurance. I feel kids in general need 24 hour care but a special needs child needs much more care that I will not always be around for. Therefore, we said mild spacial needs like learning disability's, cleft palate, club foot, speech problems, a bunch of little things that classify to DHS or any agency that this is a special needs child. We said it would be hard for us if child was medically fragile, or was wheelchair bound, or had spinal bifida, things that are sever special needs I don't think is for us or is something that we can handle on our own. I am sorry if this offends anyone but that was not my intention. I just wanted to show home open we tried to be. When we were with our first agency we said only any gender, but has to be an infant and only Caucasian and healthy. We were very close minded about other opportunities and this is not to say that if anyone wants those things that it is wrong but what I have come to learn is not child is perfect. Even if I was able to give birth to my own child they would not be perfect but at the same time I also want to keep some sort of boundaries and realistic goals that I know my husband and I can handle. It is very hard to say to an opportunity to have a child that is not what we know we can handle just to have a child. I know we have to be realistic and we have to meet in the middle. Tim and I don't always agree with what we want but we tried to meet in the middle. I am from NY ordinally for 19 year so having a child that is African American is not a problem for me I will love them what ever color they are but my husband on the other hand is very old fashion. He gets his old fashion ways from his family that lived in Kentucky for a while and that where we live we live were there is no African Americana's in our area or at the school, which my husband has a point that they will already know they are adopted and then if they go to a school that is all Caucasian that they will feel out of place or alienated. Which I think I can see that point. If we lived in a more rural place it shouldn't matter but we don't which is unfortunate because there are so many African American kids that do need to be adopted :(. So my husband and I agreed to meet in the middle on our decisions. If he makes a valid point then I will agree with it. Although I have in my favorites a blog that is called "dreams really do come true" that if you are interested check her blog out her baby is the cutest little thing I have ever saw and his smile is even cuter :). Well this gives you all an idea of what we are about and a little bit of ourselves. Man, I am getting really personal and letting you all right into my front door and right into our bedroom. I just let my whole heart and honesty on the line. I am sometimes scared to do that as it can bit you in the butt. I hope none are offended and understand my choices and decisions and hope that you will still continue to follow my journey through this crazy thing they call adoption and the roller coaster of emotions it takes you on. I swear sometimes I don't even know myself anymore now that we have been going through this adoption for over a year. Well I keep hope and faith in my heart and pray that my dreams will come true and that I will have a child. Also I was just thinking, my husband and I about brainstorming on adoption agencies that people have gone through or heard about that are the best. That get back to you and wants to answer your questions and that maybe you don't have to feel like you are waiting forever. Thank you all again for letting me let everything in my mind and body out. This feels almost like a diary only sometimes people blog back to you so you get answers or suggestions which is kind of better then a diary :) .
Friday, September 25, 2009
Monday, September 21, 2009
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
I would also like to thank Savannah from "Countless Tomorrows" blog who is my blogging buddy for telling me about this blog " http://anothersmalladventure.blogspot.com/ . It is a great blog. Every Monday for those who are thinking of adoption or planning to adopt, she puts children who are looking to be adopted on there. They are of all ages. It is funny because a lot of these children I have seen on the state website but I didn't know how to pursue it at the time. I think this is a great blog that I felt I must share with all of you.
I feel like some times anyone I talk to in the outside world that I talk with every day truly don't understand what I am going through and when I come on here and blog I feel like people can relate and give great advice and this is one of the situations I ask all you blogging friends to help me with. So these 2 little boys I have been waiting to hear back on. Well I didn't update you on this because I didn't even have an answer before we left on our trip. She said 2 weeks ago at DHS she would call me and know more the end of next week which was last week. Well I e-mailed her on Thursday of last week to see if she had heard anything since I didn't hear from her yet. Well I checked my e-mail 2 times on our vacation and I know bad me. No e-mail from her. Then I waited until Tuesday to call her. I don't think I can go into to much detail but I will try to explain the situation. Well I called and got a hold of her and asked her what the status was. She proceeds to tell me that the foster mother wants to adopt one brother and not the other and that DHS won't separate the boys. This is the way it should be I am thinking. She said that this women does a lot of fostering for them. Which makes me think that are being careful to upset her for some reason. I don't know the foster care world very well so I don't know. Then DHS said will I be willing to do respite care. She said it really isn't that but they call it that when the foster parent can't take care of the kids for what ever reason (going on vacation, needs a break, passing in the family, ect.) that we would watch the kids for her for like a day or two. I was a little hesitant then she explains that she is only asking so #1 we would get to know the kids and #2 that the foster parent would meet us and may feel more at ease when she meets us. So we said sure. But, I still don't understand so if someone knows please let me know, if the parents rights are terminated, I know that they make sure all relatives are not going after the child, then they offer the children to be adopted by the foster mother and if they decline that they get put up for adoption. Well if DHS tells the foster mom no that she would have to adopt both or none of the kids why wouldn't DHS let them go up for adoption since they offered and the foster mom is not agreeing on the offer. And it also doesn't make sense because it feels like they are trying to stay on this foster mom's good side so she will continue to take in more kids but why would you want someone who would want sibling split up to foster more children. I guess I don't get it. It makes no sense to me. My reason I really need advice is that when I talked to her on Tuesday she said that she didn't call me back because she got a call from foster mom on Monday on her voice mail and she needed to call her back to find out the status. She told me once she calls her she will e-mail or call me back later that day or early today. Well surprise, surprise no call back or e-mail from her. How long do I wait to contact her back? What would you do if you were me? I heard that people have said to stay on top of a social worker but I don't want to make her mad or annoyed with me but I want her to know I am here. I feel like she keeps telling me she is going to do something and never follows through. It is like why tell me something if you are not going to follow through. This is my life on the line and my world on hold and I feel like that is not important to her nor do I feel like she understands. I need some advice please of what to do or what is the process or issue. I am just frustrated. Every time there is good news it feels like another road block. I just want her to tell me if there is good potential of them being ours or if not so that I am not stopping what I am doing, and dreaming of what it will be like to have a family, and thinking about all the stuff I would need to buy before they come, and how I will surprise our families with meeting them for the first time. Yeah they don't know what is going on with the adoption. They know we are on a list but I we have gotten our hopes up before and I don't want then to get there hope up with us, or to ask everyday if we heard something. Not only that but when you get pregnant you get the exciting ways you can thing of to tell your family. I always planned that if I got pregnant that I would let them know by writing a card to them from the baby and say something like "I can't wait to meet you (grandma, grandpa, aunt or uncle) mom and dad have told me so much about you and I can't wait to finally be spoiled by your love" and then attach a picture of the sonogram. Something like that. I always thought that would be cute but with adoption they are just waiting and if I tell them about a potential child that may join our family and it falls through it is like a miscarriage or they feel funny asking you anything as to not upset you and then if we get them were is the big surprise of us telling them. I was hoping to get the boys and I imagined calling them and asking them over for dinner and them meeting the boys. I thought about if it was this labor day (which I highly doubt would happen now but a few weeks ago it sounded possible) I would bring the boys up north for the trip we take every labor day together and meet everyone. Tim's Brother is coming for labor day from Chicago and we don't see him and his wife much and I thought that would be neat for the whole family to meet them. I don't know these are just my hopes and dream but as we all know they don't always come true which is the hard part. Thank you all for listening and I appreciate it if you do know anything about the process of the foster care world or what you think of the situation or what you would do.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Monday, August 24, 2009
Then Tim's parents had a cake for me up North this weekend. Which was nice of them.
Then we went to Cheeseburger in Paradise. It tasted good. We had a great day.
No I didn't hear anything about the kids yet but I know she said she would let me know by the end of this week. I will keep you all posted as I know more. I just wanted to say I did have a great birthday because I have the best husband ever. :)
Sunday, August 23, 2009
I have never been on this thing but I hope this comes out right. This is Tim, Susie's Husband. I would first like to say everyday I see you, you put a smile on my face, and I know I am the luckiest man alive. We have heartbreaks and bad luck but hopefully we will have our dream soon, so when you make your wish it will soon come true. I love you so much and I know you will be the best mom ever. Happy Birthday sweetheart!
Love always and forever,
Your Timmy xoxoxo
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Hey, sorry to contact you personally and not comment on your blog, but I was just reading it and it brought back many memories! We have adopted 2 wonderful children, you can see their pictures on my blog at www.monsterquilt.com. I am adding new videos of our 2 year old sometime today. Anyhow, I had a few suggestions for you, we did not go through fostering, so I don't know if you can do any of this. But we ran marketing campaigns for our adoption. We used adoption.com, which cost us about $100.00 per month, but we got our first baby in about 2 months. The second, my husband just started a company that runs landing page campaigns and it is www.Ad2action.com. Hopefully these can help, but the agency told us, we are not marketing, we are just your legal team, if you want a baby, put yourself out there. It was crazy, I felt like I was running singles ads, but it was worth it. We put in our Christmas letter that we had adopted and we wanted to adopt more, and what do you know, that is how we got our newest one. She is 5 months old and we are about to finalize on her on September 9. It has been the best experience of my life. We went through 7 years of infertility treatments, surgeries, heartbreaks, and now that I see those little babies and they reach out for me and call me mommy, it makes it all worth it. I know that God had a plan for me and it was to not be able to have my own children. And it has been amazing working with the birth mothers, they both say the same thing. God had a plan for them and it was not to keep those children but to be a vessel to bring them to our family. I know now, you will have heartache, but one day it will work out the way it is supposed to. If you need anything, let me know. I love hearing stories of people adopting. So many people are set on IVF or other treatments, I have heard many comments, I don't think I could love them as much. HAHAHAH! I think they are loved more! Our children are so special and it was amazing when and how we adopted them. They are special children and they deserve the best of homes! Anyway, sorry for rambling, I just read your blog through a common friend of ours and wanted to wish you LUCK on your journey. It is a roller coaster, but it is a fast and scary ride!Thanks,Angela
I thought this was some great inspiration and good information to share with those that are interested in the sites. I just have to say thank you so much Angela for sharing that with me and allowing me to share this information and your story with others. I think it really help and I know it helped me and thank you.
For my new news. I have been my social worker or the lady who came over to do my home study and who is currently my social worker because I had not heard back from her. I also e-mailed her because on that website from Angela (adoption.com) I went on the website and saw to really cute kids that were 6 year old girl Lexis and 2 year old brother Jayden and they were from Maine and cute as a button and I wanted to know if my social worker could look into it. I e-mailed her last Friday she finally e-mailed me back yesterday stating that she was wondering if we would be interested in two boys. She said they may be looking for an adoptive home for them but she won't know more until the end of next week. She said there ages are 2 years and 3 month and 1 year and 2 months. She said for us to let her know if we are interested. Well of course I e-mailed here right away then she actually e-mailed me back to give me any information she knows. She said one child was born 11/22/06 and the other 12/17/07 both are brothers, she didn't give a name, she said they are caucasian and the oldest has been in foster care since 7/13/07 then tried to reunite and it was unsuccessful and the younger child has been in foster care since 2/11/09. She stated there current foster parent is not certain she can care for three small children long term because she is fostering another child who is 1 years old in her care and so they said they may be looking for a permanent family for these children. She said when they hear more she will let me know. yeah! There is no guarantee that this is even going to happen but it is an opportunity and I am not getting my hopes up as to not get hurt but I am excited. My birthday is on August 23 and I will be 28 and my husband says maybe this is our month like I said that things will start to look up for us. We just paid our money down on Tuesday for the hotel for our anniversary vacation on the 28th-30. We will see what happens oh well this is what I always wanted is what I told Tim. We already spent how much money to be at this place to adopt what's some money that we loose on the hotel as long as I get my dream of becoming a parent. I am happy as can be. Yeah I am excited and happy. Please everyone pray for me that these are my babies. I hope it happens and I truly do appreciate everyone's support that they have shown. Thank you again! :)
Monday, August 17, 2009
Sunday, August 9, 2009
These next few pictures were of Tim playing cards with the kids and the card picture that little girl is Alli and she was one of the twins that were the flower girls at that wedding I posted the pictures for and her sister is in another picture posing with Tim. Aren't they so cute. I love to watch Tim playing with kids you can tell he really enjoys it.
This picture Tim was going over football plays with the girls to go against the boys and of course he was there quarter back. I took a billion of these pictures but I loved this one most the way he gets down to there level and talks to them like they are adults and not children. So cute
This is a picture of Tim and I's campfire we made so we could make dinner. Which were hot dogs and then later we all sat by it and talked and had a great time with smores and that. I was very happy with my skill to help build fire. Haaaha
This little cutie below is Kayla and her parents and this is her first vacation up there. This is a cool picture because Kayla's mom is Jenny who is Tim's age and a family friend. Tim and Jenny and in the above picture while Tim was playing card was Jenny's brother Jim. They use to all come up to Houghton Lake were we vacationed every year since they were 8 years old. There parents and Tim's parents all got along and went on vacation this time every year and they have been going up there for a long time and this picture just shows the kids that use to come up as kids having kids. Which I think is pretty cool, because when can you say you have vacationed with the same people for 23 years and then see those kids way back when now having kids and they get to enjoy it like they all did when they were young. Little Kayla is 10 months.
Okay about the HOME STUDY. So I was nervous like I told you all on Monday. She came over and was very nice. She was at the house for like 2 hours. I liked her but what bothered me was that she told me that she wouldn't be our social worker. She will give me the name of the social worker once she knew who it was and she was not sure why my call came through t her is why she was following up. Well she liked us and we liked her and now we are going to have another social worker who has never meet us, never saw our house, doesn't know our personalities and what we want and don't want. It was kind of disheartening. Like Tim said if that Lady Rita was our social worker he said he feels we would be chosen in months. But now with someone who has no idea who we are we don't know were we stand. I know at least we are in the process but why didn't they give my call to the correct person who would have been our social worker and that person might have not been as busy as she was and had to wait as long as Rita said someone quit and she was doing the job of 2 people is why it took so long to get out here. I just want to say keep your stuff straight. I understand it is frustrating to them but it is frustrating for us as well. I am sorry now I am going down negative vill. At least we have switched they have our paper work now I just need to wait for the call of who is our social worker and hope to talk to them to get to know them and they can get to know us. I asked how long can it take to get chosen on average and like everyone they were wishy washy about the answer then Tim kept saying a round about. She said a month to a year. I think that is good news we will see what is to come. There were some hard questions though. DHS asked what age group were we interested in which was hard but we said 0-7 years old and depending on the issue and circumstance. Then they asked some sensitive questions, that are always hard to answer and I will not share and answer them as not to hurt any one's feeling or beliefs on such a sensitive questions but if you have been through the adoption process you know those questions that they ask about what type of child you would except. When you have to answer them you start to sweat and say in your head I have to give an honest answer. It is hard to answer and who's not to say that my answer could be dead wrong if I meet the child. It is hard thing and I think that is the worst part but she was nice and just said you have to do what is right for you and the child. She said it was good to think about both the child and ourselves because some families can be so desperate to have a child they take any children even one's that they can't handle just because they wanted a family so bad. I am sure. I know I am almost to that point and Tim keeps telling me this is the rest of our lives. We can only take what we can handle. I completely agree. Everyone is build differently. Everyone handles thongs differently. From here we will see what happens. One question she asked because I told her I was only willing to foster a child to adopt. Then I told her if there is a situation that one child is adoptable and the other sibling isn't that we would foster the other sibling even if the family comes back to take the one we will always have contact regardless with the other sibling so they can see each other. Then she asked me if I would be willing to foster a child short term and she used the example if a foster parent is going on vacation or an emergency death in the family or something if we would be able to foster the child for a short amount of time. At first I was like I don't know I would be babysitting a stranger but then like she said it is a good way to network with foster parents who are only interested in fostering. She said that foster parents have chosen an adopted families before when they saw what a good job they did with the child when they babysat the child. I figured sure why not. You never know what can happen. I think my big deal with fostering is I want to do it but I don't want to get hurt. I want to show a child the love they need to grow but then I think I would put up a wall with a child as to not get hurt when that child goes back to there parents and I know that is not good for a child is why I said no to fostering just to foster any child. I want to ultimately foster to adopt. We will see what happens and what is to come but that is were I stand right now.
Monday, August 3, 2009
Well anyway here are some pictures of water and sunsets the last few days on vacations. Hope you like them.
Now this next picture is a once in a lifetime picture. I say that because Tim is 6' 3" tall so he is a tall and big guy and when he came up to me and said "do you want to go paddel boating with me" I was in shock. So I asked my father in law to take this picture as proof and evidence.hahaahh.
I want to share more photos and I will in my next blogg but I am having trouble with my connections and I have to ask Tim to fix it. Sorry. I keep trying to upload picture and it keep wanting to connect to our old internet source where since we have used a new company for over a year and it is giving me trouble. Let me ask Tim and I promise I will show you some more great pictures I would love to share. I missed talking on this thing but it was a nice and great vacation. Maybe I wil try to blogg again if this network thing gets better on Thursday so I can tell you all how our homestudy went because she comes over Thursday morning around 9. So hopefully I can catch you all up then. Till then talk to you all real soon.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Sunday, July 19, 2009
I also wanted to share with my new blogging friends since I put this on my old Blog that there is a free adverting on parentgallery.com . You can post your profile there for free. I just wanted to share that with all of you. Still waiting for my appointment for my second home study on Aug 6. Trying to wait patiently.
I also am still having problems hitting on my interests and seeing others blog. I heard from Savannah and she was having problems and I am still having these problem and was wondering if anyone else is still or ever had problem and if you know how I am suppose to correct this issue. Thanks :)