Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Everything happens for a reason

So Justin's social worker came over today and she told my husband how we were lucky that we didn't get involved in that baby that we were called about they they said nothing was wrong with. She said the baby is on her case load and has a lot of severe issues and as you know I can't go into to much detail but pretty much had stuff wrong with the child that we had we couldn't handle on our info we gave to DHS. My husband just happened to ask the social worker about the baby and she said we were lucky we didn't get involved because it would have been really hard on us and she was not sure we would even think to adopt again if DHS placed us with this baby. She said the CPS worker who took the case came up to Justin's social worker and told her she wouldn't call us again because we asked to many questions and were being picky. Now I swear to you all we are not that picky but something didn't seem right to us and Justin's social worker even said she knew about the child but didn't want to share with us because most of them just need to find a home for the child at the time and will tell you what you want to hear to place the child and she said she felt bad saying it but that it was true that the issue lands in there lap and they are just trying to find a place at that moment. That makes me mad. Why can't these people be up front and honest with you. I mean I don't want a child to be bounced from one home to the next at all so just be honest with me so I can say yes I can handle this or no we can't. We were not being picky but what I found odd is that our license is 0-7 years old and I was shocked they would ask us to take a baby when there is a bunch of people wanting a baby. I thought they would place us with and older child as those children seem harder to place. But the lady said on the phone to me there was nothing wrong and I asked what is the catch or the issue with this child she said nothing I even asked about other know sibling issues that may tell me about the child and she said she didn't know of any which I find out was also a lie. What the heck. How am I suppose to know when they call if it is a child I can deal with or not. If I can't handle a child for specific reasons then I can't take them on. I work and so does my husband yes granted luckily my work is flexible I work from home 2 days a week and Friday have a half a day but I still have to put in 40 hours or more when needed I can't take on sever issues and this child has. I can deal with behavioral or emotional issues I deal with that with my little guy. It isn't easy but we can handle it these issues were severe she said not even mild or moderate she said severe and you know when DHS says severe is a lot harder issue meaning more one on one and more doctor appt and or hospital and special schools and the whole thing and I can't take that on in my life and work. I am sorry to ramble but I just found this out today and it angered me and made me second guess DHS and even if I should do this with them again. I am so grateful for Justin and lucky. I want to have another for him and for us but I can't dole out any more money then I already have on my other agency and all the infertility we spent I don't have the money to go to another place. I am not sure what to do because who do you trust to do the right thing. Right now we have Bethany doing Justin's adoption which DHS hired them out to do the adoption and because he is an older child it is not much money at all to adopt just a bunch of hoops but they were saying they also do fostering and adoptions but how do I know I could trust them as well. I am so sceptical. It just made me made that this worker knew the issues and didn't share it then is telling Justin's Social worker and God knows who else that we were difficult and asked to many questions and was being picky and now we might not be called because we were sceptical when we obviously had a right to be. It just upsets me and makes me mad but obviously I am venting to you and not them as to not cause any waves but is that not right and not right of her to slam us. She didn't say to the worker she won't call but the social worker said don't expect to get any calls from her anytime soon and that makes me think if she told a bunch of people who would want to work with us. GRRRR. Makes me made all these loops to get to a dream of a family. That is all I want. I don't want to cause waves. We were told through all of our training of 28 hours of PRIDE we need to ask as many questions as possible as to not have the child bounce from home to home what happened to that is that just something they are suppose to say to draw you in to help them with these children but just not follow it. I will be honest with you on the profile we filled out we said we would take mild conditions of anything like emotional, physical, mental, learning and we said we would consider talking about any moderate issues depending on the situation it was but no severe issues because it is what we can handle, but this was severe and I am being told nothing wrong. Hello anything wrong with this. I am sorry to get to mean but this is just raw emotion I am pumping on this page and tomorrow I will probably say I probably shouldn't have said it but for now I am just so frustrated at that system I can scream. Thank you for listening to me vent. I think I needed that.
On the positive because I have to at least have one I love my little boy and he makes me smile so much I just couldn't wait to come home to him today. We read a story before he went to bed and Tim said he didn't stop talking about him wanting me to read a story to him since Tim picked him up from school. How cute. He is my little cutie. :)

Thursday, March 4, 2010


Hi everyone. Yes DHS states that Justin is legally free but, and that is a big BUT his birth father petitioned the request of termination. I told my social worker I don't understand you said he is legally free and the birth parents only had 14 days to fight the decision. Well supposedly the petition from the birth father came just on the 14 day and they were not made a ware of it or something like that. They said not to worry that when birth parents petition it they rarely ever get reversed. The process is that the judge has to look back over all the paper work and make sure he crossed his T's and dotted his I's. They say this judge is very particular and that he wouldn't reverse this and there is nothing to worry about. I asked how did this happen if the paper work came in saying he is a ward of the state and that he was legally free when there is a petition out there. Supposedly the court date was 1/13/10 that we went to the Referee signed of on termination on 1/14/10 then it went to the judge and he made his decision but he didn't sign the papers until 2/1/10 when we found out 2/4/10 that he was going to be ours. The birth father put in his petition on 2/13/10 which is the 14 days and the social worker didn't find out until 2/23/10 and she said her boss told her not to even tell us because there is nothing to worry about but then she said she wanted to be honest with us. Well I asked if we are still going through with adoption and she said yes. Court was on 3/1/10 for permanency placement to say that he will be placed with us in the intent to adopt him. She said that went smooth. We even got assigned an adoption worker that is coming over next Monday and Friday to go over the adoption process. This is all so weird we are going through the adoption process but yet there is a petition out there. The social worker said she talked to my adoption worker at court on 3/1/10 and talk to Justin's Lawyer who said that the petition could take as long as 4 months to get an answer about the petition or can be as soon as a month. I don't get it because they gave us an answer on the termination in 3 weeks but the petition can take up to four months? Don't get that but they said we continue on the adoption process so that when the petition comes back as rights are still terminated then we can adopt right away without having to wait and go through all the adoption stuff after we can do it now which of course I prefer. That is why it took me so long to post because I was hoping I would have had an answer by now and not many people that know me knows this is what is going on because I feel stupid now because they are sending me cards congratulating me and my family has given him stuff in an attempt to say welcome to the family and this would pull at them and make them back on the fence like they were before. I just figured if DHS isn't worried about it I guess I shouldn't be. You know it bugs me though. I just want him to be mine and that is it. Oh and yes I am over the whole baby thing from the last blog. I know it just wasn't meant to be and the next time we get a call about a child we will be better prepared. So as happy and excited we are that we think he is going to be ours unfortunately we are on the emotional roller coaster ride until I guess those papers are signed that says he is ours and no one could come out of the woodwork or anything. A couple of days ago it snowed here. Like it always does in Michigan and we built snow men as a family and we went to the ice festival in town and here are some pics of our exciting time together as a family. :)He is so cute. We are having a ball with him and I can't wait till it is official. :)