Thursday, August 27, 2009

No news yet

So you know I said that e-mail I got last Wednesday said my social worker would know more and get back to me by the end of next week. Well it is the end of next week. Well technically it is not Friday yet but it is 4:08 on a Thursday. So I decided to e-mail her. Of course I am anxiously waiting to hear. You know what my husband told me that didn't make me feel better. He said "well babe, you can't get your hopes up and if she hasn't e-mailed or called us yet it must not be legit". How is that suppose to make me feel better. I watched the video "The Secret", where they tell you if you are positive and you know what you want it will come to you. If you think about the good things, then good things will happen and if you think of bad thing, bad things will continue to happen. I can agree with this to an extent. But some days it is extremely hard to look on the bright side of things, especially lately. Well in the video it said you should practice and it will come more easily to you to think positive. Then it stated to help you can write a list of the things you are grateful for which I have and write what you want a bunch of times to keep the positive momentum going in your head. So instead of that I took a piece of paper and wrote on in in big letters " We will have those 2 little boys from DHS by Labor day!". Oh yeah they said to set a goal that is obtainable to have your wish come true. Well I took this paper and I put it in front of my computer at work so I can remember and today when I was working at home I put it in front of my computer as a reminder. Well I have been doing this since Monday when I started to feel like this might not happen and I wanted to get into it. Well it has been working but then today it started not working. I started to get some doubts, which in turn is when I e-mailed the social worker. I know I am jumping to conclusions but do you know in this week of waiting feel like 3 months of waiting. It feels horrible. Every day checking my phone and e-mail, even calling Tim to see if any news and stupid me he says don't you think I would have called you. I know I feel neurotic. I just want that happy ending in the end. To be a mother as I have always dreamed. I know I still have some time, but I know tomorrow is Tim and I's 5 year wedding anniversary and we are leaving for Trevor City for our 5 years. I wish I knew before I left. Hopefully she will e-mail tomorrow because today it probably to late. Cross your fingers and pray for me PLEASE! Pretty Please (hahahaha). Talk to you all soon.

Monday, August 24, 2009

good birthday!

Tim is so cute. He is such a good husband. How sweet. Tim took me to the zoo for my birthday. I have wanted to go to the Detroit Zoo and Tim always told me when we have kids we can. Well he said surprised me and took me. He bought me a jogging suit and a pair of jogging shoes.
Then Tim's parents had a cake for me up North this weekend. Which was nice of them.

Then on my birthday Tim gave me some more cake for my birthday. Now I don't need all this cake. Lucky he was there to share it with me.
Then we went to the zoo. The Kangaroo's were my favorite. They were playing and rolling around it was so cute. :)
Then we went to Cheeseburger in Paradise. It tasted good. We had a great day.
No I didn't hear anything about the kids yet but I know she said she would let me know by the end of this week. I will keep you all posted as I know more. I just wanted to say I did have a great birthday because I have the best husband ever. :)

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Happy 28th Birthday Susie

Dear Susie the love of my life,
I have never been on this thing but I hope this comes out right. This is Tim, Susie's Husband. I would first like to say everyday I see you, you put a smile on my face, and I know I am the luckiest man alive. We have heartbreaks and bad luck but hopefully we will have our dream soon, so when you make your wish it will soon come true. I love you so much and I know you will be the best mom ever. Happy Birthday sweetheart!
Love always and forever,
Your Timmy xoxoxo

Thursday, August 20, 2009

When opportunity knocks

Well have 2 things I am excited to share with all of you. I have made a new blogging friend names Angela. She e-mailed me personally this information and I asked if I can share it with all of you for inspiration and to help with advertising. She said that it would be great. I will leave out her last name just in case for privacy but I would like you all to read this e-mail I was sent then hear my exciting news after.
Angela writes:
Hey, sorry to contact you personally and not comment on your blog, but I was just reading it and it brought back many memories! We have adopted 2 wonderful children, you can see their pictures on my blog at I am adding new videos of our 2 year old sometime today. Anyhow, I had a few suggestions for you, we did not go through fostering, so I don't know if you can do any of this. But we ran marketing campaigns for our adoption. We used, which cost us about $100.00 per month, but we got our first baby in about 2 months. The second, my husband just started a company that runs landing page campaigns and it is Hopefully these can help, but the agency told us, we are not marketing, we are just your legal team, if you want a baby, put yourself out there. It was crazy, I felt like I was running singles ads, but it was worth it. We put in our Christmas letter that we had adopted and we wanted to adopt more, and what do you know, that is how we got our newest one. She is 5 months old and we are about to finalize on her on September 9. It has been the best experience of my life. We went through 7 years of infertility treatments, surgeries, heartbreaks, and now that I see those little babies and they reach out for me and call me mommy, it makes it all worth it. I know that God had a plan for me and it was to not be able to have my own children. And it has been amazing working with the birth mothers, they both say the same thing. God had a plan for them and it was not to keep those children but to be a vessel to bring them to our family. I know now, you will have heartache, but one day it will work out the way it is supposed to. If you need anything, let me know. I love hearing stories of people adopting. So many people are set on IVF or other treatments, I have heard many comments, I don't think I could love them as much. HAHAHAH! I think they are loved more! Our children are so special and it was amazing when and how we adopted them. They are special children and they deserve the best of homes! Anyway, sorry for rambling, I just read your blog through a common friend of ours and wanted to wish you LUCK on your journey. It is a roller coaster, but it is a fast and scary ride!Thanks,Angela
I thought this was some great inspiration and good information to share with those that are interested in the sites. I just have to say thank you so much Angela for sharing that with me and allowing me to share this information and your story with others. I think it really help and I know it helped me and thank you.
For my new news. I have been my social worker or the lady who came over to do my home study and who is currently my social worker because I had not heard back from her. I also e-mailed her because on that website from Angela ( I went on the website and saw to really cute kids that were 6 year old girl Lexis and 2 year old brother Jayden and they were from Maine and cute as a button and I wanted to know if my social worker could look into it. I e-mailed her last Friday she finally e-mailed me back yesterday stating that she was wondering if we would be interested in two boys. She said they may be looking for an adoptive home for them but she won't know more until the end of next week. She said there ages are 2 years and 3 month and 1 year and 2 months. She said for us to let her know if we are interested. Well of course I e-mailed here right away then she actually e-mailed me back to give me any information she knows. She said one child was born 11/22/06 and the other 12/17/07 both are brothers, she didn't give a name, she said they are caucasian and the oldest has been in foster care since 7/13/07 then tried to reunite and it was unsuccessful and the younger child has been in foster care since 2/11/09. She stated there current foster parent is not certain she can care for three small children long term because she is fostering another child who is 1 years old in her care and so they said they may be looking for a permanent family for these children. She said when they hear more she will let me know. yeah! There is no guarantee that this is even going to happen but it is an opportunity and I am not getting my hopes up as to not get hurt but I am excited. My birthday is on August 23 and I will be 28 and my husband says maybe this is our month like I said that things will start to look up for us. We just paid our money down on Tuesday for the hotel for our anniversary vacation on the 28th-30. We will see what happens oh well this is what I always wanted is what I told Tim. We already spent how much money to be at this place to adopt what's some money that we loose on the hotel as long as I get my dream of becoming a parent. I am happy as can be. Yeah I am excited and happy. Please everyone pray for me that these are my babies. I hope it happens and I truly do appreciate everyone's support that they have shown. Thank you again! :)

Monday, August 17, 2009

Another day with my thoughts

Sunday the 23 will be my 28 birthday. I was thinking back to when Tim and I first talked about kids. We always said that kids were really important to both of us. At the time we meet I was 18 and Tim was 21. We always said we wanted children at a young age and we wanted to be young parents. I said I wanted to be into 1 years of marriage before we had our first child and how I wanted my second child by the time I was 27 or 28. If things went the way we always planned I would have two kids right now. It is weird how things work. Also when we got married Tim and I even talked about after our 1 year anniversary we would start trying and I was 23 when we got married. I also knew when we got married my dad was sick and I had hoped that my dad would at least see my first child. I think to my self, I guess this is a lesson that you can't plan everything. I don't want to feel bad for myself but I catch my self saying "where did I go wrong". I pray everyday that will be the day we get the call. I had really hoped it was this month and maybe this month was good luck for us since it was my birthday and then our 5 year anniversary on the 28th. I am still not giving up hope just wishing my life would have unfolded differently. My life just is not complete with out children. I even told Tim last night I don't know if I can handle another Christmas with out children. We have no children in the family and although I love Tim's family (who we spend Christmas with) it is kind of boring. I want to wake up Christmas morning and have Christmas music playing and the kids be excited about Santa and read the night before Christmas to then on Christmas eve as my dad did for my brother and I. These are all things I look forward to and at Christmas I tend to get more depressed that we don't have children and I guess it is a combination and my dad. Tim said , now I don't know if he said it out of anger of not having a child after all these years but that if we didn't have a child by Christmas that we are not decorating our house and his mom decorates and that we go over there anyway since we don't have children. So I can see his frustration. I know some of you are like what is she talking about Christmas for, but it is only 4 months away which I think is coming quick. Sorry but this week just was not working for me. As much as I tried to stay positive I found my self still sad. I will get better my birthday is coming and my anniversary and I know Tim will make me smile. Thanks for listening. :)

Sunday, August 9, 2009

About the rest of my pics on vacation and home study

Sorry it took so long to get back but Tim just fixed the computer on Friday then we were busy. About the rest of vacation and pictures. We had a great time. This was Tim and I on the boat.

These next few pictures were of Tim playing cards with the kids and the card picture that little girl is Alli and she was one of the twins that were the flower girls at that wedding I posted the pictures for and her sister is in another picture posing with Tim. Aren't they so cute. I love to watch Tim playing with kids you can tell he really enjoys it.
This picture Tim was going over football plays with the girls to go against the boys and of course he was there quarter back. I took a billion of these pictures but I loved this one most the way he gets down to there level and talks to them like they are adults and not children. So cute
This is a picture of Tim and I's campfire we made so we could make dinner. Which were hot dogs and then later we all sat by it and talked and had a great time with smores and that. I was very happy with my skill to help build fire. Haaaha
This little cutie below is Kayla and her parents and this is her first vacation up there. This is a cool picture because Kayla's mom is Jenny who is Tim's age and a family friend. Tim and Jenny and in the above picture while Tim was playing card was Jenny's brother Jim. They use to all come up to Houghton Lake were we vacationed every year since they were 8 years old. There parents and Tim's parents all got along and went on vacation this time every year and they have been going up there for a long time and this picture just shows the kids that use to come up as kids having kids. Which I think is pretty cool, because when can you say you have vacationed with the same people for 23 years and then see those kids way back when now having kids and they get to enjoy it like they all did when they were young. Little Kayla is 10 months.

Then I just added a picture of Tim and I just fishing and having a great time. All in all I think you all can see what a great and fun time we all had. Fun times.
Okay about the HOME STUDY. So I was nervous like I told you all on Monday. She came over and was very nice. She was at the house for like 2 hours. I liked her but what bothered me was that she told me that she wouldn't be our social worker. She will give me the name of the social worker once she knew who it was and she was not sure why my call came through t her is why she was following up. Well she liked us and we liked her and now we are going to have another social worker who has never meet us, never saw our house, doesn't know our personalities and what we want and don't want. It was kind of disheartening. Like Tim said if that Lady Rita was our social worker he said he feels we would be chosen in months. But now with someone who has no idea who we are we don't know were we stand. I know at least we are in the process but why didn't they give my call to the correct person who would have been our social worker and that person might have not been as busy as she was and had to wait as long as Rita said someone quit and she was doing the job of 2 people is why it took so long to get out here. I just want to say keep your stuff straight. I understand it is frustrating to them but it is frustrating for us as well. I am sorry now I am going down negative vill. At least we have switched they have our paper work now I just need to wait for the call of who is our social worker and hope to talk to them to get to know them and they can get to know us. I asked how long can it take to get chosen on average and like everyone they were wishy washy about the answer then Tim kept saying a round about. She said a month to a year. I think that is good news we will see what is to come. There were some hard questions though. DHS asked what age group were we interested in which was hard but we said 0-7 years old and depending on the issue and circumstance. Then they asked some sensitive questions, that are always hard to answer and I will not share and answer them as not to hurt any one's feeling or beliefs on such a sensitive questions but if you have been through the adoption process you know those questions that they ask about what type of child you would except. When you have to answer them you start to sweat and say in your head I have to give an honest answer. It is hard to answer and who's not to say that my answer could be dead wrong if I meet the child. It is hard thing and I think that is the worst part but she was nice and just said you have to do what is right for you and the child. She said it was good to think about both the child and ourselves because some families can be so desperate to have a child they take any children even one's that they can't handle just because they wanted a family so bad. I am sure. I know I am almost to that point and Tim keeps telling me this is the rest of our lives. We can only take what we can handle. I completely agree. Everyone is build differently. Everyone handles thongs differently. From here we will see what happens. One question she asked because I told her I was only willing to foster a child to adopt. Then I told her if there is a situation that one child is adoptable and the other sibling isn't that we would foster the other sibling even if the family comes back to take the one we will always have contact regardless with the other sibling so they can see each other. Then she asked me if I would be willing to foster a child short term and she used the example if a foster parent is going on vacation or an emergency death in the family or something if we would be able to foster the child for a short amount of time. At first I was like I don't know I would be babysitting a stranger but then like she said it is a good way to network with foster parents who are only interested in fostering. She said that foster parents have chosen an adopted families before when they saw what a good job they did with the child when they babysat the child. I figured sure why not. You never know what can happen. I think my big deal with fostering is I want to do it but I don't want to get hurt. I want to show a child the love they need to grow but then I think I would put up a wall with a child as to not get hurt when that child goes back to there parents and I know that is not good for a child is why I said no to fostering just to foster any child. I want to ultimately foster to adopt. We will see what happens and what is to come but that is were I stand right now.

Friday night we went to a baseball game to see the Detroit tigers play. We had a great time.

Monday, August 3, 2009

I'm Back

Vacation was great. I have a lot of great pictures for all of you. When I was on vacation with all our friends and there kids, it made me just want a family even more. To hear the kids laugh and play and just have so much fun. I can't wait to expience that with my own child. Tim and I did so much with the kids. I swam with them, we played cards with them, took them out for ice cream, also mini golf. We just had so much fun. Tim and I kept saying we can't wait until it is our turn and how these friends of ours are so lucky to have a family. I am really excited about this Thursday. It is the day of our homestudy with DHS. I know we have already done a homestudy but I am kind of nervous. I know there is nothing to be nervous about but when they ask you all these questions you want them to know you are good parents and you want to make sure you show them how child proof the house is which is hard when you don't have children yet. I had to look through my old stuff when I first started to remember everything they look for. I think the one thing I forgot all about was the water being at a certain degree. I like hot water and the degree they want it at is cool so I forget that. I know it will be fine I am nervous for nothing I have done this before. We will get through it. Nobody ever tells you how many hoops and emotions you will go through in this process until you are there. I have my 28th birthday coming on August 23 and our 5 year anniversary of us married on August 28 and August 2 was 10 years since we meet. I hope we have a great month. I hope my dreams of becoming a mother come true. I love kids and being up north with all them reminded me how much I want them and love them. Just the simple things like the giggles, playing tag, running with them and seeing the excitment and joy on there faces are well worth it.

Well anyway here are some pictures of water and sunsets the last few days on vacations. Hope you like them.

Now this next picture is a once in a lifetime picture. I say that because Tim is 6' 3" tall so he is a tall and big guy and when he came up to me and said "do you want to go paddel boating with me" I was in shock. So I asked my father in law to take this picture as proof and evidence.hahaahh.

I want to share more photos and I will in my next blogg but I am having trouble with my connections and I have to ask Tim to fix it. Sorry. I keep trying to upload picture and it keep wanting to connect to our old internet source where since we have used a new company for over a year and it is giving me trouble. Let me ask Tim and I promise I will show you some more great pictures I would love to share. I missed talking on this thing but it was a nice and great vacation. Maybe I wil try to blogg again if this network thing gets better on Thursday so I can tell you all how our homestudy went because she comes over Thursday morning around 9. So hopefully I can catch you all up then. Till then talk to you all real soon.