Wednesday, August 24, 2011

have a question I will tall you more later

Did anyone or has anyone known of someone who adopted when child is on methadone and being weaned off? If so how did it turn out? What is mom did heroin and opiates? Anything to watch for? I researched it but didn't find as many bad things as if mom did alcohol which is surprising to me because I thought drugs were worse for a baby.

Off the subject I turned 30 yesterday and it was good and bad. The good parts I will explain later but the bad was the kids had visit with dad and was told they are being taken out of the house and they were not happy and made me sad for them. It will be a crazy and emotional day tomorrow. I was packing the kids stuff today and I can tell 7 year old girl is trying to take stuff out of the bags so she can hide it so she has a way for us to connect. I explained to her that this is not good bye just see you later. After meeting dad 2 times now he seems to like us and we offered that if he ever needed us to watch the kids we would be more then happy to help him out and he actually seem to mean it when he said I might have to take you up on your offer. The social worker said he probably will call you which is fine with us. I gave 7 year old girl a journal today and I wrote on the last page to her and gave her our number in case she ever wants to contact us or if she needs us we are there for her and it seemed to put her at ease she is already planning when she is coming back but I had to explain it has to be okay with dad. So crazy month emotional birthday with ups and downs and tomorrow will be ruff.

I was just wondering about my above question and I have been trying to look into this heroin with mom and child being weaned off methadone not sure if from personal or know someone to give me heads up on this research would be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much. I will keep you posted.

Friday, August 19, 2011

not a good time right now

I am going to take a short break or as long as I need to post again. I have a bad taste in my mouth about DHS. They have lied to me yet again when they said they were adoptable and then she calls me less then 24 hours to tell me that they are having a visit with there dad and she is picking them up. I was told adoptable and no visits and goal terminating rights. After seeing dad with them and them with him and knowing he has a disease but he can very well get these kids back as he almost did and went through many hopes to get them back and almost had them till the day before they came. I know he is capable and talking with the social workers supervisor she was very honest with me unlike the social worker. They lied to find a home for now for them knowing I wanted to foster to adopt. Now if something fell through when going toward adoption fine but to upright lie makes me mad as can be. After dads visit they were a mess because they didn't think they needed to listen to me and felt they were going to be back with dad anyway. I am happy for them that they are probably seeing there dad again hopefully for good but this is not a situation for my family. Justin took it hard when she said she didn't want to live with us anymore and he was listening to them talk about there dad he felt like why didn't he get to visit his family. He is starting to try to mimic her behaviors and I am trying desperately to stop it. My other issue is I just don't have a connection with her and that hurts me. I felt a connection with Justin and he put us through a lot but there was just this bond and I feel it with her brother but just not with her and I think she feels the same way. I told DHS on Tuesday to have them removed after all that has been going on and now the social worker is treating me like I am just the most terrible person in the world. I told her first you lied to me then you told me that it was just going to be a visit on Aug 1 and then you called me that dad and asked me to take them and they were here in 2 hours so she didn't have to scrabble even though I really was not ready for them, she tells me the day before that she is taking the kids to visit dad when dad was to supportable have no visits, she never comes to pick them up as promised when I took part day off work and asked me to drive them last minute when we had plans that night and screwed up the whole day, the kids were in a tail spin because they were not prepared about dad or told now don't want to listen and I find out he can get them back soon and my son is getting into bad habits and upset and don't understand what is going on and he almost wants them out because the hurtful things they said about not wanting to be here and all that. It is not there fault they are in the middle and the worker lied and that I feel falls on her. I am not feeling what I think I should feel for this little girl. I truly thinks if she were to go anywhere she needs to go to a 2 parent house with no other kids and a stay at home mom that can focus all there energy on her. They are making me jump through hoops and feel bad that this is not the right situation for us. I have to think of everyone not just myself or I would take every child in. My family comes first. I need a break my heart aches from all of this and I just need time to heal. Not sure if I want to continue with DHS. Until next time. This must just not be meant to be. At least it doesn't feel like it and I guess everything happens for a reason even though I don't know what the reason is.....

Thursday, August 11, 2011

craziness yesturday with my 7 year old girl

Well Tim has his own business and he had to leave for work early yesterday so he had asked me if I could take off like 2 and a half hours off of work so he didn't have to get the kids up so early to go to camp and the 4 year old day care. Well I asked off and got it. I woke everyone up but 7 year old didn't want to get up. I was nice, I rubbed her shoulder, called her honey and explained she needs to get up so you have enough time to get breakfast. Well I got Justin and the 4 year old dressed and teeth brushed and they were eating there breakfast. I go back up there she had the covers over her head. I told her sternly that she needed to get up right now and I started taking out her clothes. She proceeded with she is not going. Now she loves the camp. When I pick her up she is a jumping jelly bean telling me about her day and she in traduces me to her friends and they all are nice and like her. She loves going but she asks me every night if she has to go and the answer is always yes. Well she decided to test that yesterday morning. For a half hour we went back and forth to get her out of bed. She would refuse. I took away her privileges and snacks. She could have fruit and vegetables but no sweet snacks at all. I tried everything. I pulled her out of bed and started to try to get her clothes on her but then it started to get physical with the pulling and her resisting so I just let go I was not getting it to a physical level. I warned her and told her I was giving her 5 minutes to get dressed and have to teeth brushed and her butt down stairs or she was going in her pajamas. Well needless to say she thought I was kidding even when I came back up and had to pick her up and carry her all the way down the stairs. She tried to run in the bathroom to lock the door but I got to here before that she didn't want to put on her shoes so I picked up her sandals and put them in her bag. She realized when we were in the car I was serious because then she said she will change but honestly she was so mean and got my heart pumping so hard I didn't even think to bring a change of clothes and she can change there and I told her I gave you a chance and you had 40 minutes to get dressed and you choose not to do it you choose to go in pjs and I might be late for work now so we have to leave. She was not happy cried the whole way I had to get her out of the car. I explained to the camp what had happen. I called my mother in law and she dropped off a change of clothes for me. The boys were excellent and like little soldiers then just were ready got themselves in the car. I now think I did the right thing but at the time I didn't think so. I found out I did when I picked them up and the 4 year old started to not listen and she said you better listen to mom because she will not play around. I think she won't do that again. At least I hope not because it rattled me all day. Talk to you soon until my next adventure.

Monday, August 8, 2011

update on the munchkins

Yes they are still living with us. We are working things out with an instant 3 kids. It is not easy and I know 3 is more then enough for our family. Justin is adapting pretty well. He still has some issues with the little one but is doing much better. I have more issues with the 7 year old just testing me the most she can. She acts like a little premadonna and I am trying to give her a little more of real life. To be a kid but make up and perfume is not right for a 7 year old girl. She has temper tantrums like a teenager and acts like a teenage instead of a 7 year old and I have to constantly remind her she is 7. I also have to constantly explain to both her and Justin that I am the parents and I will make the rules not them telling each other or scolding each other for the rules. 7 year old she just craves attention and I try my best to give it but with 3 kids, a dog, a husband and my new position that demands me to now be at work with no days from home, you can imagine how much time I have just to shower. I don't know how people do it with more then 3 and work it is a crazy schedule but I do it for them and Justin. Justin is so happy with them. The kids already call me mom or mama. I keep reminding them to do it when they feel more comfortable but the social worker explained they never really had a mom and 7 year old and the little guy crave for that mother's love. As far as birth dad he is so far not following the plan and we find out the first of November if the kids will stay or not. Everyone is telling me it is an adoptable situation but you know I have to have a little guard up to protect myself but even though I keep reminding Justin this can be temporary I can tell he is attached.

We had the little guys birthday party yesterday and he loved it. He got Mickey, Cars, and Toy Story and loved it. He had so much fun playing with his siblings.

Today 7 year old girl told me today for the first time she loved me. I was amazed. The kids right now are swimming in the pool. The 4 year old is in his life jacket and floaty and my chair is sitting next to the pool with this on my lap because this is a minute I have that I can share my adventures. They are having a ball singing and enjoying the sun and pool and asking me mom watch me do this and this and now watch me. They are having a great time. Hope you enjoyed the post I will post more when I have more time to share.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

update on the kids

So I am at work on lunch so limited time but kids came over around 6. I have to admit I was so nervous and so was Justin and Tim. They came cute as can be, polite. I know honeymoon phase but the social worker told me they are great and aunt who can't adopt them because of illness prepared them this last week and a half so they were excited when they came. They told me how nice our house was and how they can't wait to live here forever. And the 7 year old girl asked me if she can call me mom and I told her to wait until she feels comfortable but she felt this desire to jump into our family and fit in as if she has always been here which was great she included Justin which was my fear but she was great with him. The little guy who turns 4 next week is also cute as a button and both very outgoing and nice kids. The workers told me 7 year old would be a pleas er because she always is with everyone. But Justin is jealous especially to the 3 year old. He needs more time obviously but Tim is getting all frazzled about how this is going to effect Justin. I told Tim "you asked for kids that didn't have to many issues and they don't. You asked for kids who want to be part of a family not like we are forcing them into the family and they are more then willing to jump in and you asked that Justin not be left out and they get along, the 7 year old always included Justin in everything, was friendly with him and got along it is just Justin was being mean and acting out from jealousy" I explained to Tim. But he doesn't want Justin to regress or anything. I explained to Tim what if I was pregnant then Justin would have to adjust to that how do you think he would feel same way.Tim is a little overwhelmed with 3 kids but like I told him not everyday is going to be like it was last night. Don't get me wrong they slept good and all but we didn't have a routine in place yet and we will work into one and it won't feel so hectic but my husband just worries about Justin and if we can do it all. I just feel this way if it was meant to be it will be. So right now we are there foster home until we decide or the courts bring this to adoption. I will keep you posted. Like my job thus far. I like my new position everything is going well except for the craziness all at once I hope things will turn around and I am sure they will. talk to you soon.

Monday, August 1, 2011

so an update

Vacation is over and I started my new position or promotion today. I like it but I miss our vacation. I got a call today that said the kids need to be placed today as there care giver and relative goes for her chemo treatment is why she can't adopt them. Well I am nervous as all can be because it was just suppose to be a visit and I have a long day of work tomorrow and haven't planned accordingly and not sure what to do. My head is everywhere they are suppose to be here in 3 hours and I am not prepared at all. I know calm down take a deep breathe but my mother in law offered to help watch them but that is another face for these kids and I got this promotion how is that going to look me not going into work or giving 24 hour notice as we are suppose to and I was thinking day care for the little guy and summer camp with Justin for the older girl since she is old enough to go to it. But is that right either. The worker was suppose to fax me all there info right away so I can register them for school but she hasn't yet and it has been over an hour and the school closes in an hour and a half. I am like a chicken with my head cut off. All over the place. I guess if it was meant to be it will be.