Friday, August 19, 2011

not a good time right now

I am going to take a short break or as long as I need to post again. I have a bad taste in my mouth about DHS. They have lied to me yet again when they said they were adoptable and then she calls me less then 24 hours to tell me that they are having a visit with there dad and she is picking them up. I was told adoptable and no visits and goal terminating rights. After seeing dad with them and them with him and knowing he has a disease but he can very well get these kids back as he almost did and went through many hopes to get them back and almost had them till the day before they came. I know he is capable and talking with the social workers supervisor she was very honest with me unlike the social worker. They lied to find a home for now for them knowing I wanted to foster to adopt. Now if something fell through when going toward adoption fine but to upright lie makes me mad as can be. After dads visit they were a mess because they didn't think they needed to listen to me and felt they were going to be back with dad anyway. I am happy for them that they are probably seeing there dad again hopefully for good but this is not a situation for my family. Justin took it hard when she said she didn't want to live with us anymore and he was listening to them talk about there dad he felt like why didn't he get to visit his family. He is starting to try to mimic her behaviors and I am trying desperately to stop it. My other issue is I just don't have a connection with her and that hurts me. I felt a connection with Justin and he put us through a lot but there was just this bond and I feel it with her brother but just not with her and I think she feels the same way. I told DHS on Tuesday to have them removed after all that has been going on and now the social worker is treating me like I am just the most terrible person in the world. I told her first you lied to me then you told me that it was just going to be a visit on Aug 1 and then you called me that dad and asked me to take them and they were here in 2 hours so she didn't have to scrabble even though I really was not ready for them, she tells me the day before that she is taking the kids to visit dad when dad was to supportable have no visits, she never comes to pick them up as promised when I took part day off work and asked me to drive them last minute when we had plans that night and screwed up the whole day, the kids were in a tail spin because they were not prepared about dad or told now don't want to listen and I find out he can get them back soon and my son is getting into bad habits and upset and don't understand what is going on and he almost wants them out because the hurtful things they said about not wanting to be here and all that. It is not there fault they are in the middle and the worker lied and that I feel falls on her. I am not feeling what I think I should feel for this little girl. I truly thinks if she were to go anywhere she needs to go to a 2 parent house with no other kids and a stay at home mom that can focus all there energy on her. They are making me jump through hoops and feel bad that this is not the right situation for us. I have to think of everyone not just myself or I would take every child in. My family comes first. I need a break my heart aches from all of this and I just need time to heal. Not sure if I want to continue with DHS. Until next time. This must just not be meant to be. At least it doesn't feel like it and I guess everything happens for a reason even though I don't know what the reason is.....


  1. I am so sorry. Don't feel bad. Some kids you connect with and some you don't. So sorry.

  2. Sorry this has turned out so tough.

  3. Just thinking about you tonight. Hope you are doing OK.