Wednesday, March 16, 2011

My heart feels torn

I first wanted to start by thanking everyone for there feed back on my last post. We did decide Justin should be baptised at Lutheran. We figured what is best for him and if he has friends with the kids and the teachers and pastor there, he should go there because that is were he is most comfortable and this is about him. They do so many kids activities and get the kids involved in their spirituality at such an early age it is awesome. I do think they do a great job and are so family and child oriented it was great. Thank you so much for the support and feedback.

Now, getting back to why I am posting, I had got an e-mail from my social worker about 3 kids. Now our licence states 3 kids 0-10. Now with Justin this would make 4. These three kids at 11, 7 and 4. Then I would have Justin who is 6. My husband (Tim) is so stressed out when I feel bad and want to take in these kids he tells me I am crazy. He always says how would we do that with us both working who would ever want to baby sit for 4 kids we have enough trying to find someone to watch Justin he states. I just know these kids need a family in Michigan and I don't know where they are going or who they are going to and I know how I am and what I can offer them. It tears my heart apart because my husband and I are not on the same page and I know that is important. When we got the call about Justin at the time my husband was questioning and stating he thought Justin might have been to old for us as we at the time were thinking infant and look at what happened. But then at the same time we both work full time and how would we fit 6 in my car or Tim's truck. We would go from a family of 3 to 6 and that scares Tim. Not only that but the 2 older at female and I know that makes my husband hesitate.

I have to let my social worker know what I think tomorrow and I am just torn. My husband says no and if it was up to me I would say yes but I also am one to say yes to animals when need a home so my husband has to help keep me in line some what but when it comes to kids in the system I want to help. I never would guess I would even think about 4 but they are kind of older they are not babies. It might just be a no though because my husband doesn't seem to be giving much at all. He said he couldn't parent that many kids. He said he would take one maybe 2 max if we got a call. This is hard for me. Thank you for reading and letting me express me feelings.

Monday, March 7, 2011

contraversial topic but need opinion

I know religion is controversial and I don't usually like to talk about religion on my blog as to not preach to push any of my beliefs on anyone so I am going to try to make this as light as possible.

OK this is a topic that has come up since we found out that Justin was going to be ours forever. I am Catholic and I have been Baptised, made my communion and confirmation. My Husband is Baptist not practicing. When we got married we said we would raise our kids Catholic as I was and Tim didn't practice and didn't mind what I wanted to do.

Well we also at the time thought we were going to get pregnant and have a baby then that didn't happen. We thought when we would adopt it would be an infant and that didn't happen.

God obviously had a different plan for us that was for the best even thought we couldn't see it at the time.

Well those plans were different we were able to adopt our wonderful son Justin at the age of 4 turning 5 when he came into our home. Well at the time he wasn't ready for Kindergarten and his teacher in Kindergarten told us that she thought he would do best in small 5's at Immanuel Lutheran church. Well even though it was a church that was not my religion I heard it was the best schools so I brought him there. They were awesome. He learned so much and there were very kid friendly. They taught the kids about what they would learn in kindergarten but also taught him about god and the Lutheran religion. He made a lot of friends and was very comfortable with the church. I feel he needs a religion and he like Immanuel Lutheran church and when I brought him to the Catholic church for a service he was not very good there and had trouble sitting still. They really were not as kid friendly as the Lutheran church. The Lutheran church brought him on stage with other kids incorporated the kids in the service and kind of made it funny and light hearted as they taught the kids about the religion.

My husband is not helping me in what I should do. He really never I am Catholic and this shouldn't be a big deal but I don't want Justin to feel he doesn't have the same religion as Tim and I. As we would all have a different religion. I just want to do what is best for Justin. I am not sure what that is. Do I go on my beliefs or is that close minded and selfish or do I bring him to a church he is familiar and happy with because that is best for him. I am just not sure and wanted some input. I want what is best for Justin and need some help on what you would do if you were me. I know religion is your belief and what is best for you but I is not for me it is for Justin. I am leaning toward the Lutheran church since he liked it there and made friends with many there as well as the pastor. We had went there for the 10 months he was there.

I want to have him baptized but where at. I need to make a desion for Justin on what religion now that he is officially adopted and we have all the documentation since we needed that documentation to have him baptized I need to make this happen. We say our prayers every night and he asks many questions about God and religion and heaven and a bunch of questions I sometimes don't know how to explain.

Justin has been very scared about death. Not his death but Tim and I dying. He asks many questions about my dad and why he dies young and I try to explain the best I can. I explain about heaven and that we will all see each other there but then he says why don't we just die now so we can also be with your dad. It is so hard to explain especially to him especially when it is about my dad. He really wish he meet my dad. He has told me so many time before. I try to put his mind at ease that nothing will happen to us and we will always be there for him and that he has many family members that love him and will always be there.

I am 29 years old and will admit I have lost my way with my faith since my dad but since Justin has come into my life I have wanted to change that. I also want to help with poor and underprivileged. I am trying to look for places in my area where I can donate my time and help people that are less fortunate. I am very serious about this and want to do my part. Thank you for letting me explain me situation and please be polite. I know about religion and how people get very hot and bothered about the topic and I just want input on what to do. Thank you