Sorry about last post

Just want to say sorry for last posting. I was upset and frustrated. I started venting. I feel like this emotional roller coaster is really getting to me. This week end I had class went out with friends and tried not to think about the hectic and crazy stuff that has gone on around me. Thank you for letting me vent. I do TRULY feel better. I feel more positive today. I am trying to keep my life back on coarse. When you go through those emotions of happiness, to loss, to frustration, to no communication, it starts to really ware on you and your body. I told Tim this weekend that I sometimes don't even recognize myself anymore. I just want a family so bad that it is consuming my life and I can't let it. That is why today is a new day and I have to keep smiling and just praying that those children I had in my home are fine and happy as well and as long as they are safe and happy I am to. This is my only way I know how to change stuff around. I think with the holiday's coming and all the pressure and sense of depression started to leak into my life. Like when I wrote that post, I just got done crying to Tim that we won't be able to go trick or treating this year with some kids, and how thanksgiving is going to be boring without kids and Christmas is going to be sad. Instead I need to keep on track and say no, there is still a chance that it can still happen ad if it doesn't this year then defiantly next year. I am trying to turn it all around. I want to be happy and feel good for me, my family and my health. Thank you all again for understanding. :)