Friday, September 25, 2009

Want to be in a good place

I want to be in a good place but I don't know how to get there right now. You know if you have adopted or are in the adoption waiting like myself it is a roller coaster. Well right now I am riding down the roller coaster when I want to be riding up. I am just hurting right now. I think about those kids all the time. Angry that the grandparents didn't take them back if they are supose to going back to birth mom on Monday unless they know that this may fall through again. I guess I am feeling bad about not taking them back. I feel bad that now they had to be put in 4 different home in the matter of a month. It is sad. I guess I am also angry with the system. I know I am not a social worker and I don't know how it is and I am not blaming it on them because a big part of it is the law and our system they are told to follow. I guess what make me sad is that there are people who get pregnant and kill the babies, or are on drugs and don't get help and have 5,6 or 7 kids, or they abuse the kids and take them for granted and they are not questioned or interrogated half as much and people like Tim and I who are good citizens who make a respectable living, who have never done anything bad, who are clean as a whistle besides these thoughts I am pouring out probable from heart ache and pain and we try to do good things for people and donate our time that we don't expect anything in return because we did these things for people out the kindness of our hearts and we get questioned and finger printed and pay crazy amounts of money to adopt a child but the people who actually had kids don't get questioned at all except if someone calls up on them for neglect, abuse or what ever else and how many other kids are going through it but no one stood up and was a voice for these kids and the mom and dad should have every opportunity to get there kids back if they try to clean up there act but what about these people that get chance after chance. I think back now and said I would pro able do things differently. I would have adopted over seas. I always use to say why adopt in other countries when we have kids here to adopt but now being through all this I understand why they adopt in other countries, It is so much easier then here. You go through touchier here. I know there are some good stories like the blog heart cries and some others that are on my favorites, here as well but I have heard a lot more bad then good with domestic adoption vs international. I am just sad and down today please don't take offence anyone. I hope I am not bringing anyone down with me because that is not my intent but as I said in my last blog I use this and a place to vent since I don't want to share this with everyone in my life and bring them down, I put on a happy face and that is not like me at all because I hate being 2 faced but I just don't want to be the downer or bring people down with me in my life. It just hurts and I am just hurting right now and I feel like I am just licking my wounds right now and trying to stand back up for the strong fight I have to put on to get through some more days of this long wait ahead. Thanks for letting me vent.


  1. VENT!! I know some of what you are going through. I cannot watch the news because of hearing what has happened to a kid knowing all my hubby and I have to go through to PROVE that we can be parents. It truely sucks. I am praying for your family. And I am praying for these kids. Dont beat yourself up. Venting is very healthy.

  2. You can vent whenever you want. Consider me your online shoulder to cry on. Sorry things are still tough. I wish there was something more I could do. Maybe you and hubby can take a weekend away from the world and just be together. Remember you aren't alone, he is most likely hurting too. Men just show emotions differently and chances are he is trying to stay strong for you because he's afraid if he gets to depressed who will too. Hang in, I hope there is something good coming your way soon.

  3. I don't blame you for feeling just terrible about a terrible situation. The only thing I can say is that those children were put in your path for a reason, pray for them, pray for their mother, and pray that the best for them comes to fruition. If you're not a prayer, than just think about them and picture their lives happy and always think positive thoughts in their direction. Your good wishes and continued care for them is very important. You don't have to be their guardian to love them, the state asked you to care about them, so care about them, ask questions about them all the time, send them little notes through the social worker, coloring book pages, stickers etc. They don't have to know they're from you, but they'll know that someone is thinking of them.