Friday, April 30, 2010

Thank you!

Thank you everyone for your comments and help. They were all very helpful. Just to answer some questions that were asked and that I can tell you with out giving his personal life away is he is very attached to us. His counselor is not an attachment counselor but she says in his play she tells me we are doing a great job and in the short time we have had him she is amazed with how comfortable and affectionate he is to us. So I don't know necessarily if it is an issue with attachment but maybe in some way. He doesn't know about the appeal his dad made that we are waiting for the judge to still finalize so he thinks we are just waiting for the worker to get the paper work through but the adoption worker is finished that quick because she said since we where with catholic social services to adopt a baby we had all adoption and foster info already worked out so she just had to do an addendum to the previous report that was already done. So once the judge gives up the go ahead we will be able to get court scheduled right away since it is already done with paper work. He doesn't know that because we don't need another thing hanging over his head. He is already practicing in school are last name because it is a catholic pre school and we pay out of our pocket for it the teacher is very personable and told us she will have him practice our last name even though it is not official yet. But I would like it to be official before he starts Kindergarten in public school because then his last name will be the old one and he doesn't like when I make doctor appointments with his old name he says I am not that I am your last name. So he seems to feel secure. He gets a lot of love. Not only are we always showing him lots of love but grandma and grandpa can't get enough of him. After his eye appointment today my mother in law was so nice she kept offering to take Justin for a little while till the ball game tonight and I kept telling her no but she insisted I had a little me time because she said she can tell that I need a little break to refuel. So I made an appointment to get my hair cut in a little bit and to get some stuff done around the house and I am bringing in my car for oil change and stuff like that. I needed this just to refuel so he doesn't feel my aggravation. I try not to show it but my mother in law sees it which means he has to see it so I thought her taking him for a little was best. I was a little stressed this morning because he failed his eye exam at school in one eye and I was praying that we would have best case scenario and he would just need some glasses but no unfortunately it had to be worst case scenario. He has a cataract in his right eye so he needs surgery which we scheduled for after vacation and the soonest was August 2 which I am of course nervous as can be for him because he was scared just going to the eye doctor to look in his eye my mother in law went with me for support and boy was I happy she did because as I was scheduling for surgery she took him into the waiting room and then I started to cry. I couldn't help it. It just bothered me. I think it was just everything. He has to wear a patch for 3-4 hours a day to build strength in the eye with the cataract because it is becoming lazy which is going to be a challenge a big challenge for us and him and going into surgery you never want to see your baby scared and hurting and having to go through surgery I even am scared and fearful of surgery for me so I can only imagine what his little brain was thinking. He was so scared when the drops were in his eyes to help dilate them he kept saying he couldn't see his hand and he wants to be better I hope he is better before the game tonight. Grandma is also taking him to get his haircut which I really so have the best in laws ever that is why I call them mums and papa. They are like my parents even though I don't have really a mom at least I have them. They help tremendously and relieve the pressure. This is the first time I have had me time in I don't know how long. I am usually dropping him off at school coming back home working from home picking him up to come home and work some more from home or I go to work and go pick him up. This is so different to me not having by me or in this quiet house. hahah. I am really trying but I just want to be a better mother and that is why I asked for your help. I just needed to know what you would do if in this situation. We give him everything toys, his own room and a toy room. love experiences, fun, family. We try our best and sometimes it doesn't seem like enough. I love him to death, Tim does grandma and grandpa, 2 aunts and 3 uncles all love him more than anything and he knows it and is so spoiled by all even our friends. He seems to really fit in and to be really happy but it just seems even my mother in law said after talking about it today that he snaps. He almost has bipolar. You can never see when the out burst is going to happen then he acts like what happened I didn't do it but then later can tell you why or what happened. It is really weird and I have told the counselor but she said he is to young to be checked for any bipolar but to keep an eye on it and that it just my be his experience or we don't know what he was exposed to at birth that can set off his mind to be like a different person. I mean when he got made an lunged at me and pulled my hair and tried to punch me I was so shocked that I think that is why I screamed at him so loud almost like I was a little scared of him but needed him to wake up and be his normal self. I can't explain it but that action is not like him. I do really appreciate the help and this will be an upward battle for a while and I understand but it scares me when he acts like that or when I feel like I am losing control of him and losing control of my actions is why he stayed up in his room for the rest of the night. I didn't know what else to do or who to ask and Tim wasn't home my in laws were up north and I needed help and appreciate you all so much. I don't care if you are a mom to some kids or a dog, or a bird it doesn't matter to me if you never parented a child I just needed any ones ideas or input to help me figure out what to do because you have to remember this is my first time being a parent too. I didn't get him from birth and can feel him out and adjust to knowing his past or what he is accustomed so I am new at this too getting a 5 year old and not knowing what is normal for a boy that age and what is not but I know the carpet is just a thing and that didn't bother me as much as him telling me he just felt like it and giggling at me as he is telling me and then attacks me by pulling my hair and trying to kick and punch me. So I do appreciate every one's in put and help. Thank you all so much for being there for me in the time of weakness. Even though I have never met you in person I do feel you are all my friends because you did more for me then any of my friends I see all the time have done for me so thanks so much from the bottom of my heart. :)