Monday, May 3, 2010

Ruff Patch

Boy have we had a ruff patch. Poor Justin with this eye patch it is a struggle to make him wear it and he fights me and is nasty every time we put it on. He finally told me he is thinking about his mom a lot and every time he thinks of her he is bad he says. Well he must be thinking about her a bunch because today he was on 2 separate occasions in time out for 30 minutes. It starts out as 5 minutes then if he continues to talk back or be mean or physical or any of the unnecessary behavior he gets an added 5 minutes then stars also get taken away. We have a star policy that if he does good things like cleans his room, or brings his laundry down for mom or uses the swifter to vacuum the tile or shares or shows nice behaviors to show he is trying to be a good person he gets a start and for so many stars he gets stuff that we bought on top of the fridge that he can see so he wants it and if he is bad and they are taken away things can be taken away. Well that was working for a while but now it is getting difficult. He is like a different kid something just snaps in his brain. We have had the talk that it is okay to miss your mom but we can't have that kind of behavior. He has been laughing even at our punishments. It had been ruff. I don't know what else to take away but tv and his 1/2 hour of play station he gets but he is being stubborn then anything I have ever seen before. AHHHH. I am ready to pull my hair out. I just want to have those fun days. I guess I thought we got through the hurdles that were tuff for the first 4to 5 months but we are back and maybe a little worse then that. We had such a good bonding family fun time for last while here and these last few weeks I don't know like 3 to 4 weeks have been ruff. Since probably sometime after Easter he started to change. I am trying my hardest to keep my cool in front of him and try to sit down and talk it out but you can't at his age. He continues to be more definite until I walk away and tell him you are in time out I will not talk to you until the time out is over and you have time to think and of course he says I don't need to think and I am not going to think and I tell him that is fine then just sit there if you choose to then the remark is I don't choose to sit here at all and I wont then that starts and I just walk away and remind him that if he gets up he will get more time. So you can imagine in 60 minutes total for the day of time out how many times he continue to test to no end. The time kept increasing and the stars kept coming down and then stuff kept being taken away until finly he tells me he will listen to later he does it all over again. Ahhh I am some what new to the whole parenting thing and he is driving me crazy. I want my sweet little boy back I miss him. I tell him that when he is in a better mood and he hugs me (awww) I know but then he can start up in a second. I am only human and I sometimes think I am a horrible parents or something when I see everyone Else's kids listening and even the child that also came out of foster care and was recently adopted comes out of the class and asks his mom if she is happy with him today as I listen to the teacher today say "Justin you need to listen stop what you are doing and look at me and she had to get up and get eye to eye with him because he continued to act up. I swear this is not like him and I am not just saying it because I am his mom but I truly can tell you he hasn't done this and it is driving me crazy and walk out of the school with my head down praying people aren't judging me as a parent for the way he is. The teacher had to pull me aside and everything with him. He hasn't gotten in trouble in school yet but she told me today for the first time he has been acting up a lot lately not listening and wanted to know if anything has changed in the home which it didn't and I just explained to her he says he has been thinking about his mom a lot lately and that is causing him to do this and I am not sure what to do. She said she will continue to work with him. I feel helpless. how do I get him to listen to the teacher at school he know he losses stars if he is bad at school. Well I am trying my best and I guess that is all I can do.


  1. Hi, I know I don't comment often, but I just wanted to encourage you.

    I think you're doing an awesome job. I'd also like to suggest that instead of increasing the time he is on the time out that you ignore his behavior. Don't speak to him, or correct him on time out. Just let him sit there. If he gets up, guide him back. If he gets physical, tell him that isn't ok, just say "That is not ok". The added time is actually playing into his game of getting more attention.

    Make sure he is in a spot that you can keep an eye on him without being "right there" Part of the time out is trust. I know it seems weird, but it really does work.

    You are doing just brilliantly. Don't let him use his emotional feelings to manipulate the situation. Hang in there, he's going to be fine, and so are you.

  2. I also wanted to say that Kel's plan might work. Sometimes parenting is all about trying what works best for you.

    It sounds like he is testing you to see how far you will go. I don't know the whole situation but it seems that he wants to know how "bad" he can be before you snap. In some of our adoption classes the teacher talked about the "honeymoon" period and then it went worse until it got better.

    Hang in there and I think you are doing great. It is so easy to feel defeated when you see other kids acting like how you want yours to act. Please know that we are all there for you.

  3. Thank you all for your support it makes me feel better that I am not the worst mom. :)

  4. The only "Bad" mom is one who doesn't care, or hurts her children on purpose. You are FAR from "Bad" You're great!