something to think about Please tell me what you think about the info now

Thank you Savannah and Kelly. I appreciate the help and kind words. This is hard. Just to give you a little bit more info just so you have an idea Justin is 6 and the girl is 6 and the boy is 4 and we were told he needs constant supervision and the 10 year old is a girl. Yes Kelly the situation you were talking about, about the 10 year old separated right now due to 1 not being able to find a home for all 3 at the time and 2 the 10 year old wasn't being a kid and was watching the younger and taking more of a parenting role. But it sounds like ultimate goal is to keep together so although they don't have a place for 3 now say in a year or so when they are adoptable then they can be taken away if we don't agree to take all 3. My husband only ever wanted 2 kids and I always wanted 3. He is pretty firm on 2 but I was able to talk him into the possibility of 3 because I told him I can have a girl like I always wanted and Justin can have a little boy to play with too and Justin ever since we did respite care for the 2 little kids in September who were 2 and 3 he wanted a brother and a sister so bad. So asking my husband to bend to take in 4 kids I don't think I can do that. Before I posted earlier today I realized that DHS really tried to pull a fast one on me that really made me mad. My social worker asked me in March which is the one I posted in March on my blog about the 3 kids but we had to say no. These are the 3 kids. I didn't realize that until 3 hours ago. My social worker e-mailed me about 3 kids last march and I said no because I wouldn't take 3 more kids in. I told her to keep an eye out on a possible adoptable situation for 1-2 kids between the ages of 0-8 years old. Well on Tuesday she had another worker call me on the 2 younger kids to adopt not telling me that these were the same ones she asked me about in March because she probably didn't want to me to tie together and wanted me to fall in love with these kids and then feel I had to take in the 10 year old in order to keep the 2 younger and that just makes me so mad. She knows what I told her. I tied it together 3 hours ago because on Friday when I was told the 10 year old name I knew I heard her name before and it is very unique and I couldn't figure out where I heard it. All of a sudden it hit me. I went to the computer and pulled up the e-mail she sent in March and guess what it was these kids same names date of birth and all. I felt totally duped. My goal is adoption not foster care. I feel she is setting me up to fail. I don't know how many people adopt all 3 but it does make me feel bad that all 3 siblings are not together. I hope this helps give you a bit more clarity of the situation to help me with some advice. I appreciate all input weather you have had the situation or not I would love to hear from all angles. This is a huge decision. I know you can't give me an answer but something to think about would help greatly. I have prayed, cried and everything else about these kids. I was ready to take them until the news yesterday that shook me up and made my husband mad and not even want to deal with DHS because the deceit and lying. I did e-mail my social worker after I realized what she did to kind of find out where her head was at when she split the kids for me. Not sure what to think but as you can see my head is spinning. Thank you so much for the input. It is so greatly appreciated.

We need your HELP situation with some kids came up and not sure what to do

I got a call on Tuesday that there are 2 kids that can be very possible adopted as birth mom has not tried on bit to get the kids back and in 3 month they will determine that this should go to termination. This sounded very promising and it was a boy and a girl 6 and 4. I can't give much more information on them but I was very interested and they were at a foster home that was not through DHS but subcontracted out so I had to sign some paper work on Thursday that I would follow this subcontractors rules since they are a little more strict then DHS because they are held to a higher standard because they are a private agency. So we signed the paper work and talked a bit and we told her our intent to foster to adopt then she asked if we were willing to foster the 10 year old sibling that is at another foster home. I didn't even know that there was another sibling. I was taken back because now that changes things. I told her would would only take in 1-2 more kids because we already had Justin. She said okay because if this does become an adoptable situation then we would be looking for a family to adopt all 3 and if we find one they would be taken away from you to got to a home for them. Now I am totally agreeing that siblings should stay together especially when they have meet and know each other but I am not willing to have 4 kids with Justin. I think having 2 more kids is going to be hard enough let alone 3.This really sounds like an adoptable situation. I told them since these kids have been moved several time why don't they then look for a family that will be willing to take in all 3. She said because they don't have any. If they don't find any by the time these kids are available for adoption then we will get to adopt the 2 and do visitation with the 10 year old. I have to decide by Monday and I don't know what to do Please Help! I need to make a desion. Do I take in these 2 kids and hope that I can adopt them but then I feel horrible for the 10 year old or do I pass on this. I can't just think of Tim and I but Justin. He really wants a sibling but I don't want to keep these kids in our home for say a year and then they are adoptable and because we were not willing to take in 3 more kids that we lose them and we would be attached but I don't want that to effect Justin with people in and out of his life when he is doing really good. I am so torn. We were already to take these 2 kids in we had things planned out what we wanted to do with sleeping arrangement and how to decorate and all then come to find out DHS didn't tell us everything (big surprise) and it tosses everything in the air. Please tell me what you would do in this scenario. thanks you so much I need some help preferably by Monday so I can tell them what we decided.

Infertility why?

Just to end from my last post, no we did not take in the 3 more children making it 4 children. I really wanted to but if my husband was against it we both have to be on board. Justin was bumd but hopefully another situation will come. I have to talk about infertility today because I found out one of our friends is pregnant for the second time. On the first try she got pregnant with her daughter and now she wanted another and got pregnant the same month she tried again and just announced to us on Saturday she was. I thought this time if anyone had announced they were pregnant I would be happy for them and not have those feelings I has the first time she and all my other friends announced they were pregnant. I will be 30 this year and almost all our friends have babies and are now rounding me with there seconds and while I still have my one and never was able to know what if feels like to go through a pregnancy. PLEASE PLEASE don't get me wrong at all. I LOVE just with all my heart and would not give that up for anything but that feeling still hits a nerve. She announced it and the rest of the day I had my husband asking me what was wrong. I kept telling him I am fine. My husband is awesome he tries to point out that we have Justin and that is what we always wanted why am I acting like this. I don't know what I was acting like exactly because I just felt like I was walking in a fog.It just hit a nerve when it was announced and I don't know why. I truly and honestly do not want to be pregnant I am over that. I truly am. But that feeling still came back when it was announced like a pit in my stomach that nerve we just struck and I wasn't mad at her and I was happy for her that she didn't have to struggle like I did but it still kind of hurt. To make this go full circle. I know why I couldn't get pregnant because I would never have had Justin. If I never had Justin I don't know if I would have found my way back to God and the church. I have lost him for a while. When my dad was sick I prayed and went to the church for holy water to sprinkle on my dad. After he died a peace of me went to heaven with him that I feel I never really got back and that I am not the same person as I was before he passed and I think that also has to do with I don't have any other family that is there for me but my husband and son and his family. But then again they are his family so if there is any disagreement I need to talk to them because I am upset with my husband there is no one to talk to because we all know what sides they will take and I would never let my son decide. So I felt alone like god took the only person that was on my side the only person that could save me if I needed, the only person that was my dad the one I looked up to my friend. He was all those wrapped in one and that was gone and I felt kind of empty and angry with god. My anger only grew when we tried to get pregnant now it will almost be 6 years and then the infertility was brutal and I felt like I lost some kids when I went through in vetro. It was earth shattering and I went to a very dark place. I didn't do anything bad but my thought were so bad I had to be strong enough to pull myself out of that. I did then the adoption road was some what of a long struggle and frustrating first wanting a baby and none coming to having a 4 year old unexpectedly come into our lives. I am grateful for a lot. This year we decided his adoption was finial we have all his paper work we will baptise him so I started to go to church with him and feel better and feel happy again. I started helping out at church and going to the soup kitchen and helping out there it felt good. Why do I have this nerve that gets struck if I feel I am in a good place and over being pregnant. Sorry getting back to full circle we go to church yesterday and guess who is in front of us, our friends who told us they were pregnant. As we confessed our sins I kept telling god please let this feeling go away I am sorry for having this upset feeling with them and there announcement I just want to be completely happy for them and mean it. Of course I sat with them and tried to hardest to not show nothing was wrong but it sill a little awkward. I don't know why. I wished it would go away. Then the pastor said had a casket in the middle of the church and said anyone ever have an elephant in the room like this one and know they had to say something but couldn't. I was like my goodness what am I to do. I don't want to say anything like that. It would hurt there feelings and they are excited they just started telling people. When we got up to leave I just told them both so happy I was for them and gave them a hug. I don't know if it was the right thing to do but it felt like it at the time. WHY DOES INFERTILITY HAVE TO BE SO HARD.

My heart feels torn

I first wanted to start by thanking everyone for there feed back on my last post. We did decide Justin should be baptised at Lutheran. We figured what is best for him and if he has friends with the kids and the teachers and pastor there, he should go there because that is were he is most comfortable and this is about him. They do so many kids activities and get the kids involved in their spirituality at such an early age it is awesome. I do think they do a great job and are so family and child oriented it was great. Thank you so much for the support and feedback.

Now, getting back to why I am posting, I had got an e-mail from my social worker about 3 kids. Now our licence states 3 kids 0-10. Now with Justin this would make 4. These three kids at 11, 7 and 4. Then I would have Justin who is 6. My husband (Tim) is so stressed out when I feel bad and want to take in these kids he tells me I am crazy. He always says how would we do that with us both working who would ever want to baby sit for 4 kids we have enough trying to find someone to watch Justin he states. I just know these kids need a family in Michigan and I don't know where they are going or who they are going to and I know how I am and what I can offer them. It tears my heart apart because my husband and I are not on the same page and I know that is important. When we got the call about Justin at the time my husband was questioning and stating he thought Justin might have been to old for us as we at the time were thinking infant and look at what happened. But then at the same time we both work full time and how would we fit 6 in my car or Tim's truck. We would go from a family of 3 to 6 and that scares Tim. Not only that but the 2 older at female and I know that makes my husband hesitate.

I have to let my social worker know what I think tomorrow and I am just torn. My husband says no and if it was up to me I would say yes but I also am one to say yes to animals when need a home so my husband has to help keep me in line some what but when it comes to kids in the system I want to help. I never would guess I would even think about 4 but they are kind of older they are not babies. It might just be a no though because my husband doesn't seem to be giving much at all. He said he couldn't parent that many kids. He said he would take one maybe 2 max if we got a call. This is hard for me. Thank you for reading and letting me express me feelings.

contraversial topic but need opinion

I know religion is controversial and I don't usually like to talk about religion on my blog as to not preach to push any of my beliefs on anyone so I am going to try to make this as light as possible.

OK this is a topic that has come up since we found out that Justin was going to be ours forever. I am Catholic and I have been Baptised, made my communion and confirmation. My Husband is Baptist not practicing. When we got married we said we would raise our kids Catholic as I was and Tim didn't practice and didn't mind what I wanted to do.

Well we also at the time thought we were going to get pregnant and have a baby then that didn't happen. We thought when we would adopt it would be an infant and that didn't happen.

God obviously had a different plan for us that was for the best even thought we couldn't see it at the time.

Well those plans were different we were able to adopt our wonderful son Justin at the age of 4 turning 5 when he came into our home. Well at the time he wasn't ready for Kindergarten and his teacher in Kindergarten told us that she thought he would do best in small 5's at Immanuel Lutheran church. Well even though it was a church that was not my religion I heard it was the best schools so I brought him there. They were awesome. He learned so much and there were very kid friendly. They taught the kids about what they would learn in kindergarten but also taught him about god and the Lutheran religion. He made a lot of friends and was very comfortable with the church. I feel he needs a religion and he like Immanuel Lutheran church and when I brought him to the Catholic church for a service he was not very good there and had trouble sitting still. They really were not as kid friendly as the Lutheran church. The Lutheran church brought him on stage with other kids incorporated the kids in the service and kind of made it funny and light hearted as they taught the kids about the religion.

My husband is not helping me in what I should do. He really never I am Catholic and this shouldn't be a big deal but I don't want Justin to feel he doesn't have the same religion as Tim and I. As we would all have a different religion. I just want to do what is best for Justin. I am not sure what that is. Do I go on my beliefs or is that close minded and selfish or do I bring him to a church he is familiar and happy with because that is best for him. I am just not sure and wanted some input. I want what is best for Justin and need some help on what you would do if you were me. I know religion is your belief and what is best for you but I is not for me it is for Justin. I am leaning toward the Lutheran church since he liked it there and made friends with many there as well as the pastor. We had went there for the 10 months he was there.

I want to have him baptized but where at. I need to make a desion for Justin on what religion now that he is officially adopted and we have all the documentation since we needed that documentation to have him baptized I need to make this happen. We say our prayers every night and he asks many questions about God and religion and heaven and a bunch of questions I sometimes don't know how to explain.

Justin has been very scared about death. Not his death but Tim and I dying. He asks many questions about my dad and why he dies young and I try to explain the best I can. I explain about heaven and that we will all see each other there but then he says why don't we just die now so we can also be with your dad. It is so hard to explain especially to him especially when it is about my dad. He really wish he meet my dad. He has told me so many time before. I try to put his mind at ease that nothing will happen to us and we will always be there for him and that he has many family members that love him and will always be there.

I am 29 years old and will admit I have lost my way with my faith since my dad but since Justin has come into my life I have wanted to change that. I also want to help with poor and underprivileged. I am trying to look for places in my area where I can donate my time and help people that are less fortunate. I am very serious about this and want to do my part. Thank you for letting me explain me situation and please be polite. I know about religion and how people get very hot and bothered about the topic and I just want input on what to do. Thank you

Peace and harmony

I am sorry but I haven't had much to report except we have been doing great. I was going to post about it to see what others would do. The issue is Justin has these sudden outburst that are uncontrollable. We have been trying to make sure Justin take control of his actions and to not lie or blame others and fess up. Well 2 Sunday's ago he lied and looked me right in the eyes and Tim and just kept saying he didn't do it. The bad thing to say is he is a good lier. He can look you dead in the eye and not flinch which is kind of scary for only being 6.

Well we got him to admit he lied and we told him he had to go in the corner for his time out and he went ballistic. I mean screaming so loud at the top of his lungs in your face and his face we red as all can be and he was steaming. He has gone in time out many times and we are consistent on time out he knows he has to go if he lies, if he hits or tries to cause any harm (bite, scratch etc), if he doesn't listen when we give him a warning or if he is in the yellow or red at school. He knows this and we are always consistent on it and we stick to our guns every time as to not cause mix messages.

Well he lied and just went absolutely crazy. He was like I said screaming "your putting me in time out for not reason," "I am not going in time out I didn't do anything" after he just admitted he lied. We were trying to explain to him and we did explain when we told him that for lying to us you get 6 minutes in time out so it was clear as to why he was going there but he didn't want to hear it. We picked him up to put him in time out and I mean he was just in attack mode. We tried everything talking to him to calm him down before putting him in time out, my husband tried holding him he just wouldn't have it finally I thought of what a blog friend from "Twist and Shout" said she would put him in a cold shower until he calmed down because he was explosive. I tried and that only added to the fire he was so irate that he started getting so worked up he was screaming then hyperventilating we were giving him water to calm down we were telling him to breathe he just didn't stop shouting and fighting with us even when we tried a hug. I finally just threw my hand in the air after 2 hours of emotions and walked away and just didn't answer to the behavior because I couldn't. I didn't know what more to do and my blood pressure I could feel was rising. He then seemed to start to calm down. He gave my husband and I a hug and said he was sorry. I told him that was okay and that I love him but that he still has to go in time out for what he did and went no problem. The rest of the night he was snugly and cuddly.

Right after that happen he has been awesome ever since. Are family feels as peace and harmony. I feel like we just had a great weekend. We went up to Mount Pleasant and enjoyed the in door pool and out door Jacuzzi, and we had some fun at the arcade with Justin. He was on great behavior. Of course had warnings like any kid but just was nice to feel calm and fresh and having fun. It was a breath of fresh air.

We went to the doctor yesterday and I am proud to say Justin is caught up with him immunizations till he is 12. Yeah. I don't know if I told you but bio mom signed for Justin not to have any immunizations the first 5 years of his life so when DHS found out that right were terminated last February we started doing him immunizations. It has been a year and lots of shots and doctor visits but after a year we are finally caught up. The poor little guy. I felt so bad. He is terrified to see the doctor because of all the shots and procedures done on him. I felt bad holding him down for the shots. I knew it is for the best but he is not a baby he remembers this and has had many upon many immunizations in 1 year he had to be caught up to a 6 year old. It was a lot like 4-5 shots a time. His poor little legs and arms. But we spoiled him with any where he wanted to go out to eat and he got a $3 monster truck and he was pretty happy.

We just love him so much and couldn't imagine our lives without him in it. Even when it is the worst of times we get through it together and stand strong and work it out to make it the best of times. Our favorite thing to do is go in his room when he is sleeping and give him a kiss. He is such a hard sleeper and he moves around and it is so cute. He is growing up to fast and I know I am going to miss it and mom can't treat he like a baby he tells me so the only time I can is when he is sleeping. I just love to watch how precious he is when he sleeps and think God thank you for giving me this miracle. He has changed out lives forever and for the better and I can't thank you enough. He is our little gift from God. He has such a sense of humor, and loving way about him and he makes us laugh all the time and the things he says. We love him to death and would do absolutely anything for him. He is our whole world. I feel like we have come full circle.

Back from our Florida trip of fun

We had a lot of fun in Florida. It was a well deserved vacation. I need the break from work and life in general just to enjoy our time as a family with out the interruption. We stayed at my in laws for 5 days then a Disney resort and it was awesome. I did see my mom and brother. I do have a little bit of negative to say about that. They got to my in laws house at 10 am and we had plans to go to Sea World. We they got lost so we got to Sea World around 11:15-11:30 with myself, Justin, my mom and brother. We had fun with Justin and around 2 my mom was asking if we could leave because she has to work tomorrow. She does start work at 5 in the bakery but it was 2:00 and she lives 1hours and 10 minutes away and only got to see us one day in a year. I said but Justin is having fun but she said both her and my brother had to work and that because they drove to see me and they have to drive home and they got lost asked if I could drive them home. Sure I got us to my in laws with the GPS help. We got to my in laws (who I consider more of my family they have always been there for me) and they asked my mom and brother if they wanted pizza for dinner and my mom and brother just wanted to go and my mom couldn't wait to see Curtis her husband and so they left it was like 3:30. She did mess up on something that I don't think she caught. When we had argued prior about her not seeing me she blamed it on not having vacation time and all this other stuff. Well she told me her vacation time was being used to go to New York for that wedding. Well when we (my mother in law and myself) were talking to her she slept and said she has a week vacation left because she knew her husband would be mad if she used her 1 week vacation on that wedding. Well that means she has another week vacation, you think she would even think about spending any of that time with my family who she saw for a total of 5 hours in a year when she sees and does stuff with her husband all the time. My husband always says what do you expect you know how your mom is but I would have thought after arguing with me that I wasn't going to see her and then I made it work so she would that she would think of us but no. Another thin that upset me was when we were in the car coming home Justin wanted to play and she kept complaining that she was tired and she didn't want to play and she just pretended to sleep. She sees Justin one time a year for 5 hours she couldn't just play with him in the car. If she is human she is going to regret this when he is older and wants nothing to do with her the way she is with him. I swear he was not being annoying or pushy or anything she just didn't want to play. She just wanted to have adult conversation and you can't always do that with a little one. OK we are done with that negative and thanks for letting me vent that out. Here are some pictures at Sea World.

This was Justin's favorite part. He loved the stingrays. He loved touching them and them splashing at him. He had such a blast feeding them and didn't want to leave them it was so cute.
Here's the dolphins Justin was in amazement of them I couldn't even get him to look at me for a picture because he was so amazed by them.

This is my brother, mom, Justin, myself and Tim when we got back from Sea World around 3:30 before they left we took a family picture.
This was us at the resort and Justin catching the rays and trying to get a tan. How cute is he?

This was cool the Lego store in Florida made a huge lego of Woody from Toy Story. Here Justin trying on a pair of Mickey ears.
Grandma's orange tree.
Disney castle. Family picture
We had a great time and lots of fun. Justin didn't want to come home he pretended to sleep in our suitcase. It was cute had to take his picture.

On a ruff patch

He hasn't been good this week. The listening skills have been terrible and now he is doing something weird to his face that we brought him back to his eye doctor on Monday and he gave us drops thinking maybe it was an infection in his eye that he couldn't see that was causing him to make this face as if he had a stroke. It is kind of scary. If after 10 days he continues to make the face then we will have to bring him to a neurologist. I pray it isn't anything serious. We are also unfortunately getting him tested for ADHD. We think this may be a possibility of his issues. I have been told I have been denying that he has that problem but I just don't want to drug up my kid. I want him to still have spunk about him but I also want him to be able to control himself.


We will see what happens. We don't have an appointment till February. I just don't know what to do anymore so I figured lets get him tested to rule it out. I didn't like when I looked it up that he had every single thing on there. I hope I was just looking to far into it and he doesn't have it. But the sudden outbursts and him crying for no reason and not knowing why. Or just snapping on a dime at you and later can't explain why he did it. The weird part about it though is he is just so smart. He would be brilliant if he could just listen to the teacher and stop getting into trouble and that is why I am getting him tested. It is the hardest thing. I don't want him to be labeled if he is but I feel it has to be done so he can get to his full potential and so that our family can be sane. It is a rocky boat. The teacher asked me today if we were planning to adopt again and I said yes we want to. Then she asked if we have kids in our neighborhood and told her we don't have a neighborhood we live in the country on 6 acres of land with farm land around us so no kids. Then she asked if there are other kids in the family and I told her know his second cousin is the next Youngest at 17 years old so he is the only child. When I was talking to her she thought his talking with other kids was getting out of control and she thinks he gets so excited to talk to other kids because he doesn't get to. I told her I try to set up play dates but there are maybe 2 or 3 a month because I work Tim works and the parents don't want to drive all the way to see us and it is a bit of a hassle because it isn't close to our home but we do it for him. She doesn't know why he tends to have a listening problem like he can't sit still and listen he will get into mastiff. We will see what happened.

On a positive we are leaving for Florida on Jan 21 next Friday in a week and so excited for a vacation we need it. Work and issues we have been having with Justin just need to relax and have fun in the sun. I can't wait.

Also on Wednesday I got a call from a lawyers office I had not been to in two years. I went because I was interested in adopting an older child at the time in another state. Well the lawyer told me I had a retainer fee of $12,000 to him and then I would have to pay to go to this state and to pay the other adoption places fees and it was racking up the money fast so he I declined and he said he would keep our birth mom letter and if a birth mom chooses us then we can adopt that way and it would be cheaper. Well guess what, now over 2 years later we get a call. Birth mom is 9 weeks pregnant this is her 3rd adoption and she is going to be evicted from her house and we would have to pay $2,400 for her to keep her place and then $1,200 a month until the baby is 6 weeks and then we still have a $12,000 retainers we have to pay the attorney plus pay for her attorney and then we have to buy all this stuff when the baby come it was costing with all the add ons it would cost us $25,000-$30,000 . I just knew we didn't have the money. We could come up with it but we would be in the hole and I just in the economy want to be that far in debt. I knew though that if we didn't have Justin that we probably would have jumped at the chance because we were so desperate to be parents. Know that we have him it is weird how priorities have changed. I am sure if it was Catholic Social Services calling or DHS we probably would have taken them up on that child but it was just to much money and we had to think about everything but it was an exciting moment that we finally were chosen by a birth mom but it was unfortunate that it just was not right for us. We have to see what the future holds.

Hip Hip Horray

Follow up on my earlier post he was in the green and in a great mood. Another great day. I am so happy and he is so happy as well. Just wanted to share my excitement with all. :)

Full steam ahead

I am so happy. The holidays are over and we right now have a happy family. Not that I don't like the holiday's because I do so much but it was my dad's favorite time of the year and it makes me miss him even more near Christmas and reading "The Night Before Christmas" book to Justin on Christmas eve the same book my dad reed to be every Christmas eve choked me up as I reed it to him and Tim as I wished my dad were here to see him and how proud he would be.

Not only as you can imagine was it hard for me but it was harder on Justin. He wouldn't tell us or open up to much about to us but it has been a hectic couple of months with him since about the middle of October we have struggled with him. I know you all haven't heard from me during that time much but it is because I don't like to complain but or say anything negative about this little boy I have dreamed about but I wish people were a little more real and told you what it was really like to adopt an older child because I thought I knew and could imagine but I had no idea. I think the blog missing pieces or I think it is know called perfect pieces I can really relate to in so many ways as she is honest and raw about it and she helped me not feel so alone and I bet she has no idea that she really helped those days I wanted to blog but just didn't want to say anything negative because unless you live with this little boy and have adopted an older child you don't understand the feelings.

Don't get me wrong at all I love him to death and he is an excellent kid. It is those moods you are not ready for that come up and bit you. I know all kids have tantrums and no child is perfect but these issues are like no other. It had got to the point were I was almost scared for Tim and I as we had fought like we never had before. Before Justin I would never in my wildest dreams think anything could break us we had gone through a lot together. But when the stress mounts and you both can't agree on how to parent it becomes kind of crazy. Now I know you should both be on the same page and before Justin we knew how to parent but with the stressful issues that come up from adopting an older child through foster care that you didn't imagine would go so unplanned it tends to through your world up and sometimes you just don't know what to do anymore because you feel like you tried everything and now you both start to argue. Not good and of course never intended. So we think this all started in October before his birthday and before the adoption and Christmas and I think it was all a little to much for him. He was acting out and in a bad way. It was hard and now looking back I don't know how we got through it but we did and so happy we did.

Let me describe it this way. When he is good he is very very good and when he is bad it is horrid. I don't know how else to describe it but it is an emotional roller coaster ride. I really do understand what he has been through I could only imagine and never know but like I told my mother in law that is no way to talk to people that love and support you and he needs to understand that or if we let him get away with it what is he going to be like when he gets older. He is doing good academically in school. I honestly think he is ridiculously smart as of last year he didn't know how to write his name or how to count to 3 or even know ABC or colors or shapes. He is way beyond that now starting to read small books at 6 and teacher says he is at a 1st grade reading level which is awesome for a kindergartner. But behavior wise he was getting in a lot of trouble there and at home. One day the teacher called to tell me he was in red which is the worst and what he did was just crazy but when he got home he cheered he was in the green and had a great day. We gave him opportunity after opportunity to tell the truth but he refused even after spending almost 45 minutes in time out in the corner. He refused we told him he would stay there till he told us the truth. Then we started telling him every 5 minutes he doesn't tell the truth we take a present we were going to give him for Christmas away because we tried everything to get him to tell us. I think it upset us that we felt we came so far with him and yet he can look us straight in our face and lie. And he was convincing. If the teacher didn't call me I would have believed him. As Tim was calling Santa after we unwrapped 2 presents he wasn't getting from us he finally just started to cry and finally asked us how we knew. It was hard and felt hard for us to even believe him and that was only one of vary many issues we were dealing with. Bedtime every night became a nightmare. I hated bedtime. He would start fights just to fight. He would egg you on constantly and the talking back and not doing what he was told at all and doing the opposite are only a few of the lighter things he was doing.

Yeah all of a sudden he celebrated New Years with us and family and yes he stayed up the whole time and wanted to party longer he changed. He became the old Justin again. I mean the old Justin because he is a very loving and caring person and cares for others feeling and he does behave. He has an extreme amount of energy as the teacher describes that he is 5 kids in one but he for the most part is awesome. But like I said when he is bad it is horrible. For for 2 months which felt like 2 years of craziness he has finally calmed down and is his awesome self. Full steam ahead. This past week has been awesome and like we told him is he is in green all this week he would get 5 stars from us we would got to the monster truck show this weekend. So I hope and I think he will be in green and we would have another great day. I can't tell you what a happy that makes me. These days we enjoy his company and each other so much more. I feel like we went back to being a real family. Not like we weren't before but it is a happy one. One that it should be. It is not always going to be roses but at least if another outburst like that happens again I just how we are ready to be able to help he get through the hurdle a little fast then this time.

Happy time. Below is a picture of us at a friends house on New Year and some Christmas family pictures. Enjoy and Happy New Year!