Saturday, April 16, 2011

something to think about Please tell me what you think about the info now

Thank you Savannah and Kelly. I appreciate the help and kind words. This is hard. Just to give you a little bit more info just so you have an idea Justin is 6 and the girl is 6 and the boy is 4 and we were told he needs constant supervision and the 10 year old is a girl. Yes Kelly the situation you were talking about, about the 10 year old separated right now due to 1 not being able to find a home for all 3 at the time and 2 the 10 year old wasn't being a kid and was watching the younger and taking more of a parenting role. But it sounds like ultimate goal is to keep together so although they don't have a place for 3 now say in a year or so when they are adoptable then they can be taken away if we don't agree to take all 3. My husband only ever wanted 2 kids and I always wanted 3. He is pretty firm on 2 but I was able to talk him into the possibility of 3 because I told him I can have a girl like I always wanted and Justin can have a little boy to play with too and Justin ever since we did respite care for the 2 little kids in September who were 2 and 3 he wanted a brother and a sister so bad. So asking my husband to bend to take in 4 kids I don't think I can do that. Before I posted earlier today I realized that DHS really tried to pull a fast one on me that really made me mad. My social worker asked me in March which is the one I posted in March on my blog about the 3 kids but we had to say no. These are the 3 kids. I didn't realize that until 3 hours ago. My social worker e-mailed me about 3 kids last march and I said no because I wouldn't take 3 more kids in. I told her to keep an eye out on a possible adoptable situation for 1-2 kids between the ages of 0-8 years old. Well on Tuesday she had another worker call me on the 2 younger kids to adopt not telling me that these were the same ones she asked me about in March because she probably didn't want to me to tie together and wanted me to fall in love with these kids and then feel I had to take in the 10 year old in order to keep the 2 younger and that just makes me so mad. She knows what I told her. I tied it together 3 hours ago because on Friday when I was told the 10 year old name I knew I heard her name before and it is very unique and I couldn't figure out where I heard it. All of a sudden it hit me. I went to the computer and pulled up the e-mail she sent in March and guess what it was these kids same names date of birth and all. I felt totally duped. My goal is adoption not foster care. I feel she is setting me up to fail. I don't know how many people adopt all 3 but it does make me feel bad that all 3 siblings are not together. I hope this helps give you a bit more clarity of the situation to help me with some advice. I appreciate all input weather you have had the situation or not I would love to hear from all angles. This is a huge decision. I know you can't give me an answer but something to think about would help greatly. I have prayed, cried and everything else about these kids. I was ready to take them until the news yesterday that shook me up and made my husband mad and not even want to deal with DHS because the deceit and lying. I did e-mail my social worker after I realized what she did to kind of find out where her head was at when she split the kids for me. Not sure what to think but as you can see my head is spinning. Thank you so much for the input. It is so greatly appreciated.

1 comment:

  1. I am an absolute sucker for sibling groups. I can't help it. I feel so bad for kids who are split up if they don't have to be. I still feel guilt over not taking the siblings of my four.

    With that said...this one is tough. If you feel like they will do everything they can to keep the children together and you can't take all three I would say it is too much of a risk.
    The reason I say that is you have to realize that is possibly a year that you will not be able to take any other placements. And in the end most likely not be able to adopt the children you will love and want to keep. If your goal is to adopt and not foster then you have to think about this aspect of the situation.

    In all honesty, I think it will be hard for them to find a home for all three with a 10 year old in the sibling group. But, then on the other hand it might be the only way the 10 year old will be adopted. People are leery of older children from foster care but there are some wonderful children that given a chance will fit right in and be such a joy to parent.

    I really wish you could give this 10 year old little girl a chance to be in your home with her two other siblings. But, I completely understand. You are young and new parents and it would be a huge undertaking.

    I wish I could tell you what to do. Really, I do. I would be cautious simply because they haven't been completely honest with you from the beginning and that is not a good way to start out with new kids. But it is just how it is. You really can't blame them because they mean well. Their goal is to find good homes for the kids.

    At least they thought you and your husband would be a good home for all three children. They wouldn't have called you twice about these same kids if they didn't.

    Just make sure that whatever you and your hubby are on the same page. In complete agreement. You will need his help and you don't want to take on 2 more children without his support or him having resentment about the situation. This is so key when taking hurt children.

    Being a mom is hard work but being a mom to hurt children is so much harder.

    Pray. Get as much info as you can. Pray. Talk to hubby. Pray. Come to a point of complete peace before giving an answer.