Friday, January 7, 2011

Full steam ahead

I am so happy. The holidays are over and we right now have a happy family. Not that I don't like the holiday's because I do so much but it was my dad's favorite time of the year and it makes me miss him even more near Christmas and reading "The Night Before Christmas" book to Justin on Christmas eve the same book my dad reed to be every Christmas eve choked me up as I reed it to him and Tim as I wished my dad were here to see him and how proud he would be.

Not only as you can imagine was it hard for me but it was harder on Justin. He wouldn't tell us or open up to much about to us but it has been a hectic couple of months with him since about the middle of October we have struggled with him. I know you all haven't heard from me during that time much but it is because I don't like to complain but or say anything negative about this little boy I have dreamed about but I wish people were a little more real and told you what it was really like to adopt an older child because I thought I knew and could imagine but I had no idea. I think the blog missing pieces or I think it is know called perfect pieces I can really relate to in so many ways as she is honest and raw about it and she helped me not feel so alone and I bet she has no idea that she really helped those days I wanted to blog but just didn't want to say anything negative because unless you live with this little boy and have adopted an older child you don't understand the feelings.

Don't get me wrong at all I love him to death and he is an excellent kid. It is those moods you are not ready for that come up and bit you. I know all kids have tantrums and no child is perfect but these issues are like no other. It had got to the point were I was almost scared for Tim and I as we had fought like we never had before. Before Justin I would never in my wildest dreams think anything could break us we had gone through a lot together. But when the stress mounts and you both can't agree on how to parent it becomes kind of crazy. Now I know you should both be on the same page and before Justin we knew how to parent but with the stressful issues that come up from adopting an older child through foster care that you didn't imagine would go so unplanned it tends to through your world up and sometimes you just don't know what to do anymore because you feel like you tried everything and now you both start to argue. Not good and of course never intended. So we think this all started in October before his birthday and before the adoption and Christmas and I think it was all a little to much for him. He was acting out and in a bad way. It was hard and now looking back I don't know how we got through it but we did and so happy we did.

Let me describe it this way. When he is good he is very very good and when he is bad it is horrid. I don't know how else to describe it but it is an emotional roller coaster ride. I really do understand what he has been through I could only imagine and never know but like I told my mother in law that is no way to talk to people that love and support you and he needs to understand that or if we let him get away with it what is he going to be like when he gets older. He is doing good academically in school. I honestly think he is ridiculously smart as of last year he didn't know how to write his name or how to count to 3 or even know ABC or colors or shapes. He is way beyond that now starting to read small books at 6 and teacher says he is at a 1st grade reading level which is awesome for a kindergartner. But behavior wise he was getting in a lot of trouble there and at home. One day the teacher called to tell me he was in red which is the worst and what he did was just crazy but when he got home he cheered he was in the green and had a great day. We gave him opportunity after opportunity to tell the truth but he refused even after spending almost 45 minutes in time out in the corner. He refused we told him he would stay there till he told us the truth. Then we started telling him every 5 minutes he doesn't tell the truth we take a present we were going to give him for Christmas away because we tried everything to get him to tell us. I think it upset us that we felt we came so far with him and yet he can look us straight in our face and lie. And he was convincing. If the teacher didn't call me I would have believed him. As Tim was calling Santa after we unwrapped 2 presents he wasn't getting from us he finally just started to cry and finally asked us how we knew. It was hard and felt hard for us to even believe him and that was only one of vary many issues we were dealing with. Bedtime every night became a nightmare. I hated bedtime. He would start fights just to fight. He would egg you on constantly and the talking back and not doing what he was told at all and doing the opposite are only a few of the lighter things he was doing.

Yeah all of a sudden he celebrated New Years with us and family and yes he stayed up the whole time and wanted to party longer he changed. He became the old Justin again. I mean the old Justin because he is a very loving and caring person and cares for others feeling and he does behave. He has an extreme amount of energy as the teacher describes that he is 5 kids in one but he for the most part is awesome. But like I said when he is bad it is horrible. For for 2 months which felt like 2 years of craziness he has finally calmed down and is his awesome self. Full steam ahead. This past week has been awesome and like we told him is he is in green all this week he would get 5 stars from us we would got to the monster truck show this weekend. So I hope and I think he will be in green and we would have another great day. I can't tell you what a happy that makes me. These days we enjoy his company and each other so much more. I feel like we went back to being a real family. Not like we weren't before but it is a happy one. One that it should be. It is not always going to be roses but at least if another outburst like that happens again I just how we are ready to be able to help he get through the hurdle a little fast then this time.

Happy time. Below is a picture of us at a friends house on New Year and some Christmas family pictures. Enjoy and Happy New Year!

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