Sunday, January 3, 2010

Going to Disney Hopefully

We are all excited to go to Disney. We are leaving on January 28 and returning Feb 6. It should be fun but the social worker said she didn't think it would be a problem and now she said the judge has to okay this but I am not sure what he will say since the court date to terminate is January 13. That stinks because we already paid for the plane tickets because she made it sound like it was not going to be an issue and to just book it then let her know the dates. I hope they say yes. I can't go into to much detail as I would like as privacy but they say the mom will be termed no problem (they say) and dad is the only one that has a chance but that they think they have a strong case against him and DHS is actually on my side which is kind of different because they are usually on the birth parents side but she told me personally she is praying the judge keeps him with us which is exciting. But she said worse case scenario if father doesn't get termed on that doesn't mean my little guy will just go straight back to him as they will probably tell bio dad to follow certain things before he even would get visitation. So that is why we booked because we figured he would be with us regardless of the outcome. My little guys tells us the court told him he is staying with us and he keeps saying he doesn't want to go back to his bio dads. Which would crush me if it turned up that way but this is all worse case scenario.
Tim and I go to Florida usually ever January or February at least once a year. I visit my mom and brother who I only see once a year when we go out there and they have yet to see my little guy. I know but for those of you that have been following my blog for a while I told you my mom is selfish and only thinks of one person herself. No she didn't feel the need to meet this little guy that I have been waiting for, for 4 and a half years of trying to have a baby and finally I have this great little boy. She only sees pic's of him. That gets my husband made he says he always misses my dad and wished I had more of a family like him. Which then in turn I get stuck in the middle. When we leave hopefully for Florida my mother in law wants to be selfish and she said that to me and told me that she watches my little guy and that she sees him all the time and my mom didn't even make an effort so she wants to take him to Magic Kingdom and my mom says she does. I asked my mother in law if we can all go but she said that it would be awkward with my mom and he boyfriend and how my little guy loves my in laws but never knew my family and so he would always ask to do stuff with them and not my family and all that my mothering law said. See now I am in the middle and I just want to be happy and have a good time. I tried to get my mom just to take us to Bush Gardens which she said yes but I think she wants to also go to Disney so I told my husband worse case scenario we go to Disney for two days. My husband was not happy with that because he feels my mom hasn't made any effort or hasn't done anything for us but I just tell him okay my mom sucks and doesn't know how to be a mom and I know that and I have know that since I was 12 my dad is who raised me to be me and my brother doesn't care either but they are still my mom and brother and my relationship with them is fragile and if I say what I feel about them I don't think any of us will ever talk again and then I am left with no family. But of course Tim says but we are a family and his parents are more my family then she has been. Which is true they took me in when I moved from NY when I was 19 and lived with them for 2 years before Tim and I got our own place and then married but like I try to explain to him my dad always wanted us to stay together and I guess I do it for my dad and so that my little guy can at least know who my family is better or worse. I am torn. I know this sounds horrible but I would be fine with not having to talk to my mom and brother again but my conscious would bother me. I would think about what would my dad think. I remember my dad telling me and I had to be like 16 he was sorry he choose my mom to mother me. He wish he had chosen better for me. He would say I always imagined that your mom would have been loving and caring and wanting to be there for you and he said that he just wanted to tell me that he was sorry. My mom and brother of course never knew that was said. That was something I always kept in side. Through my life my mom and I had a lot of ups and downs more downs then ups unfortunately. I am nervous to see them because they will talk about how my hair will look they usually don't like it, or my weight. They have said oh you should do this new work out it will help tone your but or get abs in my stomach. They last time didn't like the way I tweeze my eye brows and that I should do something with my hair I was told and they showed me some magi zines. I felt I needed to share that in order for you to understand why mom husband and mother in law feel the way they feel about me mom. I understand it but what do I do is how I feel. If I tell my mom no to Disney then she will be hurt and tell me that I always see his parents and why don't I want to spend more time with my own family since I don't see then which I feel isn't my fault if she doesn't come here and she hasn't come in almost 3 years. It is crazy. Oh well sorry I went on a vent but the bottom line is I am nervous to see my mom, nervous but Jan 13 court and pray to god I can keep my little guy and we can go to Florida and do something that will make us happy as a family and put the 13 behind us. Yeah to Disney :)


  1. so just trying to get this straight...

    on january 13, you find out if each of the birth parents' parental rights are terminated?

    if that were the case - if BOTH of them lost their rights - does that automatically mean you get to keep your little boy forever? or is it just one more step in the process? i'm very familiar with adoption, but not so familiar with foster-adopt. and i'm especially interested for 2 reasons: i've been following your blog for awhile, and also, my sister & her husband (who have given me 2 amazing biological nephews to spoil & love) are in the process of becoming foster parents with the intention to adopt. they're on the last of the classes that are required - not sure if it's the same procedure for everywhere in the country, but in their state & city, there are classes required before a child is placed.

  2. I will be praying for your. I do not know what state you are in but in ours it is no problem to take our foster children out of state. As a matter of fact they really encourage us to take them on trips. I think the judge will grant you permission. Just have fun and do not worry about the rest.

  3. It will be great to watch Hair, i have bought tickets from looking forward to it.