Well Tim has his own business and he had to leave for work early yesterday so he had asked me if I could take off like 2 and a half hours off of work so he didn't have to get the kids up so early to go to camp and the 4 year old day care. Well I asked off and got it. I woke everyone up but 7 year old didn't want to get up. I was nice, I rubbed her shoulder, called her honey and explained she needs to get up so you have enough time to get breakfast. Well I got Justin and the 4 year old dressed and teeth brushed and they were eating there breakfast. I go back up there she had the covers over her head. I told her sternly that she needed to get up right now and I started taking out her clothes. She proceeded with she is not going. Now she loves the camp. When I pick her up she is a jumping jelly bean telling me about her day and she in traduces me to her friends and they all are nice and like her. She loves going but she asks me every night if she has to go and the answer is always yes. Well she decided to test that yesterday morning. For a half hour we went back and forth to get her out of bed. She would refuse. I took away her privileges and snacks. She could have fruit and vegetables but no sweet snacks at all. I tried everything. I pulled her out of bed and started to try to get her clothes on her but then it started to get physical with the pulling and her resisting so I just let go I was not getting it to a physical level. I warned her and told her I was giving her 5 minutes to get dressed and have to teeth brushed and her butt down stairs or she was going in her pajamas. Well needless to say she thought I was kidding even when I came back up and had to pick her up and carry her all the way down the stairs. She tried to run in the bathroom to lock the door but I got to here before that she didn't want to put on her shoes so I picked up her sandals and put them in her bag. She realized when we were in the car I was serious because then she said she will change but honestly she was so mean and got my heart pumping so hard I didn't even think to bring a change of clothes and she can change there and I told her I gave you a chance and you had 40 minutes to get dressed and you choose not to do it you choose to go in pjs and I might be late for work now so we have to leave. She was not happy cried the whole way I had to get her out of the car. I explained to the camp what had happen. I called my mother in law and she dropped off a change of clothes for me. The boys were excellent and like little soldiers then just were ready got themselves in the car. I now think I did the right thing but at the time I didn't think so. I found out I did when I picked them up and the 4 year old started to not listen and she said you better listen to mom because she will not play around. I think she won't do that again. At least I hope not because it rattled me all day. Talk to you soon until my next adventure.
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I have never been so proud of you as I am today reading this. Seriously, you did exactly the right thing. You just earned mom of the week award from me. Continue what you are doing. Tell her what you expect and let her know it is her choice but that there are consequences to every choice. If she chooses not to comply then stick to your promises of consequences and she will catch on. I think you are well on your way to her understanding :-) congratulations, you passed her first trust test... you did exactly what you said you would do and now she knows she can trust you. Huge step forward in building trust and attachment. She will test you again. Make sure you can follow through with the consequences you promise and then follow through every single time. You will question yourself because this is not normal parenting exactly, but therapeutic parenting...a bit more strict but so worth it when dealing with hurt children that have to be taught to trust their new parents. Man, I am so excited for you and your new little girl. This is not easy but you are up for it and doing a great job.
ReplyDeleteAlso, make sure you add in good consequences for when she complies. Even the tiniest things, like a piece of gum, sticker, pat on the back...will make a huge impact. Not every time but when you feel like she really wanted to go the other way but refrained and made an extra good choice. Can't wait to hear more about your journey. :-)
ReplyDeleteGood job!!! I know it feels horrible in the moment.... but your consistancy will pay off. I have had to take my kids to church in pjs... it happened 2 times for my girl and one time for the boy. DO expect her to try it again and when she finds you won't fail on your end of the deal she'll learn fast. My 7 year old wakes up crabby EVERY morning. We go through a song and dance every single morning since we got her a year and half ago.... but she does get dressed :-)
ReplyDeleteJust checking on you and wanted you to know I am thinking about you. Hope things are going good.
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