Saturday, July 17, 2010

I am done with the hitting

The past week Justin has started the hitting thing. I would tell him he hurt my feelings by what he did or say or I would tell him he can't have something or the other day I actually said to him can I rewind this because I missed what hap pend and he thought I said change the program and he just comes flying up and me and swing and pinching with this really mean and angry face. This happened when he first came here and it continue till about February but I think once we earned his respect and I would say that was in March when he started calling us mom and dad that hitting went away. We still had the outbursts like the crying or throwing but the physical violence was gone. We have gone over this a number of times that we DO NOT allow any physical abuse (hitting, kicking pinching, biting, anything causing serious harm to another) in this house he knows the rules and if those rules are broken he goes up in his room for time out and we take stuff away like his golf stuff he loves to play with or something.

The usual punishment (like talking back, throwing something, not listening, saying something he knows he should not be saying or doing) he gets a time out on the couch and losses a star. We have a star system when he is good and helpful and just has a good day we give him a star and 5 stars he gets a prize on top of the fridge. If he is bad he gets them taken away and if he continues to be bad in punishment he continues to get more time added in 5 minute increments to his already time sometimes depending on how severe another star gets taken away.

Today he started hitting me and I didn't say a word like I usually do an get all upset I just grabbed his hand and walked him up the stairs and he was vishous. Grabbing the spindles of the stairs while screaming and kicking and pinching and biting. The started being disrespectful to me in a really mean way calling me stupid and I don't think and telling me he hates me and I don't know anything after I fought with all my might to keep him in my arms I threw him on the bed and as I went to walk away to close the door he jumped and lunged at me he had a handful of hair and was trying to punch my butt/lower back. I got so enraged I had to stop myself before I lost myself. I think I just got to enraged between the pain because I know he is 5 but my back hurt and my head he took a clump out and then I think the fear of him startled me so much I felt like he needed to know who was boss. What happens when he gets bigger and is stronger then me this needs to stop now.

After 10 minutes in his room and I called Tim because I needed him to calm me down because I was shacking and tearing up I finally went back up to face him and he was acting like an angel. He does this. It is like 2 different people. He was a monster then I go in there it is like it never happened. Believe me I didn't let him get away with it but we had a long talk. This has to stop. I don't know what brought it on this week but when he is good he is very very good and when he is bad he is horrible. Tim and I just talked and decided he can get his golf clubs back that I took away 2 days earlier for hitting but NO TV for a week. We told him that he must be learning this from violent shows and that he can't watch TV now. Don't get the wrong idea he doesn't watch TV a lot and we know what he is watching and some I don't approve of but he watched it in the past and it is on the N*CK channel. The Sponge B*b and I C*^ly and watches Max and R**y and Sc**by D**. These are the programs I am talking about nothing violent I just wanted you to get the idea of what I am doing and working with. We watched the R*ad R*nner when we were young and I know I wasn't violent. I just have had enough and Tim is worst then me right now he is so mad. He wants to take more away and he says I am sick of this. It gets hard I just need to vent and feel better. I am trying to be my best as a first time mother and have a 5 year old that came from another family and I have to correct or reverse stuff. It is very hard. Keep smiling I tell myself. :)


  1. This sounds somewhat like Nate. He has become very violent in his rages and very verbally abusive. We are seeking professional help. I can't remember if your son is in counseling. If not, get him some help. If he is let the counselor know about his violence. Is he on any meds?

    I will say that I am not an advocate of meds in general but they have helped make life bearable living with Nate. I could not live with him with out him taking the meds.

    The meds help stabilize his moods and thoughts. They help him make better choices. He still has so many problems but they have helped.

    One thing I have not blogged about yet and only tried once...
    I was advised by someone to take Nate to the kitchen sink when he begins to rage and throw a cup of cold water in his face to get his attention so hopefully I could talk him down from his rage. If that doesn't work, take him to the shower and put him in and turn the cold water on, in his clothes, shoes and all.

    I tried this yesterday. The cup of cold water did not work but the cold shower cut his rage down to 15 minutes instead of the normal hour to an hour and a half. He was not violent or verbally abusive. He still screamed and begged me to turn the water off but I refused until he stopped screaming.

    I then had him take his wet clothes off in the shower, gave him a towel and sent him to get dry clothes on. I made him clean up the water on the kitchen floor, hang his clothes up out on the rail and clean up his gum ball machine he had thrown and broken. I let him know that every time he screams and rages he would be given a cold shower to "cool him off". He said he doesn't like it. (Yeah)

    He had the best attitude I have seen from him in about 3 weeks after he got out of that shower.

    Not trying to tell you what to do but thought I would share what I am trying right now.

    Hang in there. You are a good mother. Don't get discouraged.

  2. Thank you for the support. He is in counseling. We see her once ever 2 weeks. She told me last week she thinks he is doing good and to decrease it to once a month.He doesn't know that so that can't be where the rage is coming from and he is not on meds. He just started this behavior up again this past week. I didn't try the cold shower. I might have to see how that works. I am first going to see if this stops after yesturday's talk. I told him he will be in his room for the rest of the day with nothing to play with and won't be able to do anything till the next day. I told him even if mom and dad are outside or playing a game he will not be able to join and I think that helped him. We will see if that doesn't help then I might have to go to cold showers and see how that would work.

  3. I've been known to give our 4 year old son cold showers to "cool down" too. They work wonders. The shock of the water coming down and being fully clothed really helps Sylas to chill. Sometimes all I need to say is "do you need a cold shower?" and he'll calm down.