Meet Riley Paige

I know I know. It has been forever. I am so so sorry. I have not imagined how my life would change. Between the new position I got in August and meeting Riley in August and she came to our home in September and Justin also started school. Also Halloween, Justin's gottcha day his birthday, Christmas, new year and now we are leaving in a week for Florida it has been busy.

Well you all if you remember know that we choose the name Riley Paige. Her mom gave up her rights and dad didn't want to step forward to take a paternity test or anything so his rights were terminated in October. I meet her for the first time on my 30th birthday at her 3 month doctor appointment which is the first picture below. Then Tim meet her on a Monday the day after our 7 year wedding Anniversary. Another cool fact is she was born in May on my husbands birthday. Below you will see pictures from the first time I meet her the first time Tim meet her and so on till Christmas. When rights were terminated on dad the adoption worker came in and in December she sent our adoption paper work to Lansing and as of yesterday we got it back. Which is exciting. They consider that she is adopted by us but it is not by the court to change her name legally till March which would make it 6 months in our home. It feels like she has always been here though. We have enjoyed so much with her. I now have some time. I never got to take my family leave and now that my in laws left for Florida for 3 months I took an intermittent leave meaning I work 21 hours a week vrs 40 or more. I wanted to take it for the full time 3 month leave but I couldn't for many reasons. One being I don't get paid the full 3 months then when I would get back I wouldn't get paid for another 2-3 months just paying back the insurance. Another reason I wouldn't have enough time in my bank to take our vacation in July I take every year so I was kind of stuck in this position. But it is nice to have a little extra time with her. We started swim class last week. That was fun. It basically gets her use to the water. I know she has the bath but that is alot different then the pool. So we are having fun. She is 8 months now. Justin just adors her. Of course she doesn't get into his stuff yet. She refuses to crawl she rolls every where and likes us to hold her hand so she can walk. She doesn't have the concept yet that if she lets go of the couch or throws her self on the ground when she is sitting that mom will always catch her. She loves to eat and has a sassy ness about her. It is cute to see her personality. She is fun and cute and my little girl. I love having a boy and a girl and they just love each other she looks up to Justin and he makes he laugh like no one else can. I don't know the next time I will be on it is all when I have time and maybe she is sleeping. But I wanted to all update you because I haven't been on this in a long time and I just want to enjoy the time I have with her because they grow up fast and I don't want to miss a beat. Until then hope you all had a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

This is my birthday and the first day I got to lay eyes on her she was 3 months old

This was the day after our Anniversary August 29 and Tim meet her for the first time. We are at DHS in this picture making up the plan of when she would go home with us forever.

This was our first day visit at our house with her

This is the first day she came to stay with us and the first day Justin meet his sister
She turned 4 months this day and the carrier was a life saver at the time

Justin wanting to hold his sister after she got out of a bath

Riley turned 5 months and we had to loosen the straps on her car seat


Riley just being cute and was just kind of learning to sit up


We carved pumpkins and at 5 months she was small enough to fit in one.
Riley was a pumpkin for Halloween I know fitting and Justin a Detroit baseball player Justin Verlander

Sorry this picture is out of order but Riley turned 5 months in this picture too with brother
Riley helping mommy with the laundry

Riley is 6 months here and she meet Santas for the first time when we went to the bass pro shop


This day she actually turned 6 months because we took her 6 month pictures and Christmas pictures together on this day

This day she turned 7 months sorry I didn't upload pictures this month so I don't have eight months pictures.
Riley in a diaper and socks helping mom with laundry

Christmas eve the kids were having fun. Riley as a Santa and Justin her helper.

Hope you enjoyed the pictures sorry I don't have Christmas and this months pictures but I will try next time to get those on.

exciting news to report

Sorry I havn;t been on much but we got a special call from Justin's old social worker and a 3 month old baby girl back in August. She is now 4 months and we had 3 visits and I have been to her doctors visits and she came to live with us on September 8. I took a week off of work and decided to take my 3 month family leave act in January when my in laws are in Florida for 3 months so that she is not in day care every day during flu season and so I can be home with Justin all those vacations they get from school. It is hard because I am ending my week at home and I don't want to leave her. Well obviously I can't tell you her real name but her name we call her and her adopted name we chose is Riley Paige. She will be adoptable. Mom terminated her rights and wanted nothing to do with this precious baby girl and dad refuses to take a paternity test and wants nothing to do with her. Monday the petition to terminate on all unknown dads was granted and social worker came over today and said the court date of termination will be in a month or 2 and she has contacted the adoption services to start our process of adoption. The earliest it could happen is March as that is when she will be on the home for 6 months which is mandated in our state to adopt a child. Yeah we have a boy and now a girl. Everything is falling into place and life is great the only reason I can type this right now is she is taking her 20 minute nap that I think she is just getting up from. Talk to you soon.

have a question I will tall you more later

Did anyone or has anyone known of someone who adopted when child is on methadone and being weaned off? If so how did it turn out? What is mom did heroin and opiates? Anything to watch for? I researched it but didn't find as many bad things as if mom did alcohol which is surprising to me because I thought drugs were worse for a baby.

Off the subject I turned 30 yesterday and it was good and bad. The good parts I will explain later but the bad was the kids had visit with dad and was told they are being taken out of the house and they were not happy and made me sad for them. It will be a crazy and emotional day tomorrow. I was packing the kids stuff today and I can tell 7 year old girl is trying to take stuff out of the bags so she can hide it so she has a way for us to connect. I explained to her that this is not good bye just see you later. After meeting dad 2 times now he seems to like us and we offered that if he ever needed us to watch the kids we would be more then happy to help him out and he actually seem to mean it when he said I might have to take you up on your offer. The social worker said he probably will call you which is fine with us. I gave 7 year old girl a journal today and I wrote on the last page to her and gave her our number in case she ever wants to contact us or if she needs us we are there for her and it seemed to put her at ease she is already planning when she is coming back but I had to explain it has to be okay with dad. So crazy month emotional birthday with ups and downs and tomorrow will be ruff.

I was just wondering about my above question and I have been trying to look into this heroin with mom and child being weaned off methadone not sure if from personal or know someone to give me heads up on this research would be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much. I will keep you posted.

not a good time right now

I am going to take a short break or as long as I need to post again. I have a bad taste in my mouth about DHS. They have lied to me yet again when they said they were adoptable and then she calls me less then 24 hours to tell me that they are having a visit with there dad and she is picking them up. I was told adoptable and no visits and goal terminating rights. After seeing dad with them and them with him and knowing he has a disease but he can very well get these kids back as he almost did and went through many hopes to get them back and almost had them till the day before they came. I know he is capable and talking with the social workers supervisor she was very honest with me unlike the social worker. They lied to find a home for now for them knowing I wanted to foster to adopt. Now if something fell through when going toward adoption fine but to upright lie makes me mad as can be. After dads visit they were a mess because they didn't think they needed to listen to me and felt they were going to be back with dad anyway. I am happy for them that they are probably seeing there dad again hopefully for good but this is not a situation for my family. Justin took it hard when she said she didn't want to live with us anymore and he was listening to them talk about there dad he felt like why didn't he get to visit his family. He is starting to try to mimic her behaviors and I am trying desperately to stop it. My other issue is I just don't have a connection with her and that hurts me. I felt a connection with Justin and he put us through a lot but there was just this bond and I feel it with her brother but just not with her and I think she feels the same way. I told DHS on Tuesday to have them removed after all that has been going on and now the social worker is treating me like I am just the most terrible person in the world. I told her first you lied to me then you told me that it was just going to be a visit on Aug 1 and then you called me that dad and asked me to take them and they were here in 2 hours so she didn't have to scrabble even though I really was not ready for them, she tells me the day before that she is taking the kids to visit dad when dad was to supportable have no visits, she never comes to pick them up as promised when I took part day off work and asked me to drive them last minute when we had plans that night and screwed up the whole day, the kids were in a tail spin because they were not prepared about dad or told now don't want to listen and I find out he can get them back soon and my son is getting into bad habits and upset and don't understand what is going on and he almost wants them out because the hurtful things they said about not wanting to be here and all that. It is not there fault they are in the middle and the worker lied and that I feel falls on her. I am not feeling what I think I should feel for this little girl. I truly thinks if she were to go anywhere she needs to go to a 2 parent house with no other kids and a stay at home mom that can focus all there energy on her. They are making me jump through hoops and feel bad that this is not the right situation for us. I have to think of everyone not just myself or I would take every child in. My family comes first. I need a break my heart aches from all of this and I just need time to heal. Not sure if I want to continue with DHS. Until next time. This must just not be meant to be. At least it doesn't feel like it and I guess everything happens for a reason even though I don't know what the reason is.....

craziness yesturday with my 7 year old girl

Well Tim has his own business and he had to leave for work early yesterday so he had asked me if I could take off like 2 and a half hours off of work so he didn't have to get the kids up so early to go to camp and the 4 year old day care. Well I asked off and got it. I woke everyone up but 7 year old didn't want to get up. I was nice, I rubbed her shoulder, called her honey and explained she needs to get up so you have enough time to get breakfast. Well I got Justin and the 4 year old dressed and teeth brushed and they were eating there breakfast. I go back up there she had the covers over her head. I told her sternly that she needed to get up right now and I started taking out her clothes. She proceeded with she is not going. Now she loves the camp. When I pick her up she is a jumping jelly bean telling me about her day and she in traduces me to her friends and they all are nice and like her. She loves going but she asks me every night if she has to go and the answer is always yes. Well she decided to test that yesterday morning. For a half hour we went back and forth to get her out of bed. She would refuse. I took away her privileges and snacks. She could have fruit and vegetables but no sweet snacks at all. I tried everything. I pulled her out of bed and started to try to get her clothes on her but then it started to get physical with the pulling and her resisting so I just let go I was not getting it to a physical level. I warned her and told her I was giving her 5 minutes to get dressed and have to teeth brushed and her butt down stairs or she was going in her pajamas. Well needless to say she thought I was kidding even when I came back up and had to pick her up and carry her all the way down the stairs. She tried to run in the bathroom to lock the door but I got to here before that she didn't want to put on her shoes so I picked up her sandals and put them in her bag. She realized when we were in the car I was serious because then she said she will change but honestly she was so mean and got my heart pumping so hard I didn't even think to bring a change of clothes and she can change there and I told her I gave you a chance and you had 40 minutes to get dressed and you choose not to do it you choose to go in pjs and I might be late for work now so we have to leave. She was not happy cried the whole way I had to get her out of the car. I explained to the camp what had happen. I called my mother in law and she dropped off a change of clothes for me. The boys were excellent and like little soldiers then just were ready got themselves in the car. I now think I did the right thing but at the time I didn't think so. I found out I did when I picked them up and the 4 year old started to not listen and she said you better listen to mom because she will not play around. I think she won't do that again. At least I hope not because it rattled me all day. Talk to you soon until my next adventure.

update on the munchkins

Yes they are still living with us. We are working things out with an instant 3 kids. It is not easy and I know 3 is more then enough for our family. Justin is adapting pretty well. He still has some issues with the little one but is doing much better. I have more issues with the 7 year old just testing me the most she can. She acts like a little premadonna and I am trying to give her a little more of real life. To be a kid but make up and perfume is not right for a 7 year old girl. She has temper tantrums like a teenager and acts like a teenage instead of a 7 year old and I have to constantly remind her she is 7. I also have to constantly explain to both her and Justin that I am the parents and I will make the rules not them telling each other or scolding each other for the rules. 7 year old she just craves attention and I try my best to give it but with 3 kids, a dog, a husband and my new position that demands me to now be at work with no days from home, you can imagine how much time I have just to shower. I don't know how people do it with more then 3 and work it is a crazy schedule but I do it for them and Justin. Justin is so happy with them. The kids already call me mom or mama. I keep reminding them to do it when they feel more comfortable but the social worker explained they never really had a mom and 7 year old and the little guy crave for that mother's love. As far as birth dad he is so far not following the plan and we find out the first of November if the kids will stay or not. Everyone is telling me it is an adoptable situation but you know I have to have a little guard up to protect myself but even though I keep reminding Justin this can be temporary I can tell he is attached.

We had the little guys birthday party yesterday and he loved it. He got Mickey, Cars, and Toy Story and loved it. He had so much fun playing with his siblings.

Today 7 year old girl told me today for the first time she loved me. I was amazed. The kids right now are swimming in the pool. The 4 year old is in his life jacket and floaty and my chair is sitting next to the pool with this on my lap because this is a minute I have that I can share my adventures. They are having a ball singing and enjoying the sun and pool and asking me mom watch me do this and this and now watch me. They are having a great time. Hope you enjoyed the post I will post more when I have more time to share.

update on the kids

So I am at work on lunch so limited time but kids came over around 6. I have to admit I was so nervous and so was Justin and Tim. They came cute as can be, polite. I know honeymoon phase but the social worker told me they are great and aunt who can't adopt them because of illness prepared them this last week and a half so they were excited when they came. They told me how nice our house was and how they can't wait to live here forever. And the 7 year old girl asked me if she can call me mom and I told her to wait until she feels comfortable but she felt this desire to jump into our family and fit in as if she has always been here which was great she included Justin which was my fear but she was great with him. The little guy who turns 4 next week is also cute as a button and both very outgoing and nice kids. The workers told me 7 year old would be a pleas er because she always is with everyone. But Justin is jealous especially to the 3 year old. He needs more time obviously but Tim is getting all frazzled about how this is going to effect Justin. I told Tim "you asked for kids that didn't have to many issues and they don't. You asked for kids who want to be part of a family not like we are forcing them into the family and they are more then willing to jump in and you asked that Justin not be left out and they get along, the 7 year old always included Justin in everything, was friendly with him and got along it is just Justin was being mean and acting out from jealousy" I explained to Tim. But he doesn't want Justin to regress or anything. I explained to Tim what if I was pregnant then Justin would have to adjust to that how do you think he would feel same way.Tim is a little overwhelmed with 3 kids but like I told him not everyday is going to be like it was last night. Don't get me wrong they slept good and all but we didn't have a routine in place yet and we will work into one and it won't feel so hectic but my husband just worries about Justin and if we can do it all. I just feel this way if it was meant to be it will be. So right now we are there foster home until we decide or the courts bring this to adoption. I will keep you posted. Like my job thus far. I like my new position everything is going well except for the craziness all at once I hope things will turn around and I am sure they will. talk to you soon.

so an update

Vacation is over and I started my new position or promotion today. I like it but I miss our vacation. I got a call today that said the kids need to be placed today as there care giver and relative goes for her chemo treatment is why she can't adopt them. Well I am nervous as all can be because it was just suppose to be a visit and I have a long day of work tomorrow and haven't planned accordingly and not sure what to do. My head is everywhere they are suppose to be here in 3 hours and I am not prepared at all. I know calm down take a deep breathe but my mother in law offered to help watch them but that is another face for these kids and I got this promotion how is that going to look me not going into work or giving 24 hour notice as we are suppose to and I was thinking day care for the little guy and summer camp with Justin for the older girl since she is old enough to go to it. But is that right either. The worker was suppose to fax me all there info right away so I can register them for school but she hasn't yet and it has been over an hour and the school closes in an hour and a half. I am like a chicken with my head cut off. All over the place. I guess if it was meant to be it will be.

new things to come yeah

So this is very exciting. I was told a position was open at work for a job I have made my goal for at least 7 years now. I went in for an interview and it went great. I had got the call on Friday I got the promotion. I am so excited. Also we had got a call on 2 kids on Wednesday from DHS. We left for a week vacation yesturday and DHS told us that these kids are going up for adoption but we will meet them when we get back August 1. I still have my lisence with catholic Social Services and I was told to let them know if we got any calls but I have not met them yet so I haven't told them yet. I figured when I meet them August first that I would tell her if these kids seem like they fit with our family. I was on the fence whether to post this as I didn't want her finding out or being upset for not telling her but we just found out then the promotion and then we go up north for the week. I figured enjoy the vacation then figure it all out when we get back. Lots going on. From not having anything going on and nothing to say except for my freak accident with my car but now all at once everything comes. It is nerve racking and exciting at the same time. I am very excited about the promotion and meeting these kids. I wish I could have meet them before we left to get an idea about how this will go. When I mean that I mean that Justin and the kids get along for the most part all kids will argue but that it fits. You just know it fits when it does. I know we felt it with Justin. I am thinking the same thing here. These kids are important but Justin is our number one priority right now until we find out they are ours. I have good feeling though on this one. I am excited and will let you know more when I come back from vacation and I meet them and tell Catholic Social Service once all happens. Wish me luck. :)

continuation from prior post on car attack

It has been a while

Sorry it has been so long. We have been so busy with summer now here. We have been going up north every weekend and just has a day summer camp her goes to. No we don't have any foster kids in the home but just waiting for that call we all know can come at any moment and gods way of telling me this was what was suppose to happen for you. I had a call about 2 month again on a 7 month old but when I called them back to say yes they already found a family which was a bummer.I only took less then 5 minutes to give them an answer and now I learned I need to give them an answer on the spot even though it changes our whole life in a secound.

Justin is doing good. He loves going up north and he loves his day summer program at the school. On Tuesday they go on field trip and Wednesday bowling and Thursday swimming at the city pool. I only take him there 3 days a week. I could take him 5 but why when I am home on Monday and and get home by 11:30 on Friday's. It is nice for him though so that he can play with kids his own age. It gets him out and get him to stop begging for a sibling to play with now that it is summer adn he is home so I thought it was a good idea. At first my husband thought it was a waste of money since My mother in law can watch Justin on Tusday and Justin could stay home with me when I work from home but that is hard to do when you work from home and Justin doesn't understand that I have to work he wants me to constanly play and I can't tell him go out side and play because he has no one to play with and I can't go an play when I work from home I have to get in 11 and 12 hours in in those 2 days. When Tim picked him up at camp he saw that Justin had a blast and it changed his tone about the camp.

Tim and I have been pretty good. I did have to go to another baby shower yesturday and as those who will not get to experience them it is not always easy to go to them. And for some really intersting story that will be hard for you to believe. We had got a call this Saturday night while up north that a pit bull was attacking my car. I know crazy right. We didn't understand the call either from an across the street neighbor. We had left to come come home 3 hours away because we wanted to know what was going on and that sounded like a crazy story. It was 1:10 in the morning by the time we got home and my car was trashed. The pitbull that we have no idea where it came from or whose it could be tore up my car. He was locked in our cage in our backyard my neighbor through a bone and food in there to lor it in and when we got home the pit bull was in there. For my car: the bumper was ripped off around the wheels where the paint was bitten and bent all up and claw marks and bit mards where all over my car. My mirrors will have to be replaced. I could not believe a pitbull whould attack a car number one and be able to do the damage it did to my vehilce. The dog barked all night we called animal control but since it was 1:30 in the morning they said they were short handed and it could take 3 hours well we were tired and jsut wanted to go to bed. We called the next morning the police could not believe what she saw she even call on other police to see my car and they couldn't. beleive it. She took pictures and wrote us a police report and as she was there the dog almost excaped our fence he had bitten a whole in the fence and moved out fence like a foot from where it was suppose to be. This was crazy we are waiting for our insurance to call us as we e-mailed in our claim. See pictures for this crazy story. Scary enough was god forbid we were home and Justin was outside like he usually is. fewwwww

What my Decision was on the procedure

So up until yesterday I thought I was having the endometrial ablation done. Well I have been asking my husband to look at the pentathlete for the procedure for week and do you think he did no. No that is until yesterday he decided to pick it up and he told me no he didn't want me having it. I was shocked because number 1 that he read about it and 2 because he told me no.

He stated that we have not used protection in how many years and this procedure you need to use protection or if the off chance I were to get pregnant that it is life threatening to myself as well as a baby. I guess when we read about it more online about what it has done to others who were as young as myself they would get pregnant not know they were pregnant because a lot of the times you don't get a period with the procedure the baby dies of course in most cases because there is no lining in the uterus since burned away by procedure and people have dies from the poisoning in there blood stream and issues with the other organs. I told my husband but what are our chances of that ever happening and he says with our luck it would happen and he didn't want to take any chances because he couldn't live with himself it did happen. So I am not going through with it. Not sure what else to do about the problems like the bleeding and spotting and painful periods. Right now I am just on birth control and was planning on being on it for a few months and getting off hope it regulated it.

Okay so this weekend is the match party coming up. My mother in law keeps telling me to not consider any sibling groups because she thinks that will effect Justin as the siblings will have a strong bond to one another and Justin will feel left out and it might hurt him. Any one have any thoughts on this? I am not sure if I am thinking the right way and is she correct? Not sure and was wondering about suggestions. Thanks

This is a life changing decision

Well I have been thinking about having endometrial ablation done. I have been thinking about it the last few months. I have really bad cramps and heavy bleeding with my periods and I spot for like a week or 2 sometimes before my period. This has been since I was 16 that I had been cramping so bad the pain would make me throw up. It is hard because I feel like when I know my period is coming that I won't be able to do anything. It came this memorial day weekend but luckily my friend gave me some of her nuproxen to get me through the weekend so I was not in bed with the heating pad.

My husband and I 2 weeks ago got into it a little because some personal things that he didn't tell me as he told me he didn't want to hurt my feeling because I am always bleeding and obviously that means I don't have sex. Sorry to get so personal and I didn't want to but this is another piece of the puzzle as to why I am thinking about this. I felt worse when he told me because I feel like I couldn't have a kid for him and now I can't even have sex because of this horrible spotting.

I have tried the pill and it makes it better but once I get off it goes back to the way it is a 2-3 month. I don't want to stay on the pill my whole life I feel tired on it and gain wait or can't loose any. I also don't want to increase my chance of cancer.

I went to the doctor and they said everything is normal like the infertility specialist has said and every other doctor but he noticed my endometiral lining was borderline in size meaning that my body doesn't shed like you do when you have a period like it is suppose to so my uterus keeps contracting to get it to shed when it hasn't and that is why I spot and cramp so bad. Finally I have an answer. The way you fix it is hormone therapy. Well that means the pill and that is not what I want the rest of my life.

The doctor scheduled my endometrial biopsy for Monday and he has to do that before he will do the procedure. The doctor just kept telling me you do this you will never have an opportunity to have any kids. I know that but what life is it to live like this all the time. Life on my period. I am not having any kids anyway. My husband says if that is what I want to do that is fine but that he doesn't want me to be upset with my decision. I know I will always morn the loss of not experiencing child birth but I think I am not in that stage of my life. Doctor still wants me to think about this but I have for month my husband just makes me almost doubt myself like we might have a chance and I thought we were on the same page that ship has sailed. My husband told me he would want me to be pregnant for me and to see me happy. I told him I wanted to know what he felt. He said he is perfectly happy with Justin and only want to have or adopt another one for Justin and I. My mind is now all over. I am all for it but now my mother in law heard I was thinking about this and she is upset and thinks I need to give it more time. I am over it but I don't think everyone else understands what I go through with these periods and already morning the loss of not getting pregnant. Please tell me what you think. I know you can't make the decision for me and it is my decision but I just want some input. What would you do if you were me?

What been happening

Sorry it has been a while but not to much has been happening except a health scare for a moment. I went in for my ob/gyn appointment and was told he wanted me to go in for a mammogram for the lump I have had on my breast since I was 21. I had an ultrasound done at 21 when I first found it but they said they just thought it was dense breast tissue. So I was concerned why all of a sudden now we are testing. Well I got a call the mooring of the mammogram telling me that I was to young to have a mammogram done because of my age and that breast tissue at this age is so dense it is hard to see. So they re-scheduled me for an ultrasound.

I came in for the ultrasound and the lady told me not to change and to wait to hear from the radiologist I started to be a little nervous then she came in and told me they decided to do the mammogram after all. I went in for that waited also and then she came back in to tell me she needed an additional view and then to wait for the radiologist. She came back in and told me the radiologist wanted me to go for another ultrasound so I did and at that point she had asked me if I was told to go for x-ray or anything and I was then getting really nervous. Asking myself what did they find why am I getting bounced around as I waited for the radiologist to tell them what was next my eye's started to tear up. I couldn't help it and maybe I shouldn't think the worst but when you are in the scenario you can't help it. She came in to tell me they can't see the mass even though they can feel it. It is like 1 cm. It is a dense size. She said the radiologist feels comfortable sending you home. Then I get a call from my ob/ gyn to see a surgeon and then I got all nerved up again. I went to see him he felt it looked at the films and told me not to worry it was just density and that my breast on that side is like that and that he says not to worry about it. Fewww I was relieved. Now I this process was about 3 weeks are worrying. It felt like forever to me.

On a more positive note. I am thinking about going to a match party. They are having one in Michigan for children ages 6-17 and I figured I would go. I know when I started this process I only wanted an infant then was thinking about older. Now I am thinking 0-10 but we will see what happens. Who knows we might go there and really like a 12 or 13 year old. I put it for 0-10 because I didn't want the child to out of Justin's age range so they can still play and grow up with one another and still be able to create memories. I want Justin to go as a good indicator of if this child matches with Justin if they can get along and be life long friends. I want Justin to be comfortable about this situation too because to many kids can't handle kids that are younger them in the house and Justin is our top priority. We will see what happens I will tell you after June 11 which is the day. I have never been to one of these before so I don't know what I am in for but I am eager to let my heart lead the way.

Call last night

So we got a call last night from protective health service about 4 children that needed a home and a possible adoptive family. It was 8:45 at night and we just laid down in bed after putting Justin down. I know it was early it was early to go to bed for us too but we have this sinus thing that are heads feel so heavy they feel like exploding so we decided to sleep it off.

Sorry getting back we got the call my husband picked up and we had to say no. It hurts to know there are kids out there that need family's and I don't want to separate kids for my own selfishness. They should be together but 4 kids all under the age of 5. Few that would be a huge task for anyone let alone us who are only wanting 1-2 more. I had trouble going back to sleep last night just hoping they found a family for these kids. This is hard to get calls like that and know it is out of my range of what I know I can do. Foster care and the calling process is hard. You want to help and save them all and you can't. Your only own person.

I found a possible connection

So this lady I have been becoming close with because Justin and her children she adopted went to school together and are now in kindergarten together. She know a lady she is friends with that has adopted 4 kids from foster care and now she wants to foster to adopt and hopefully find good homes for these kids if they need to be adopted. My friend told her I was interested and she said she has 2 now that she is finishing her adoption of and 1 other child but that she will see what she hears and as she is good friends with the people at dhs. I hate to say it but dhs in our county it about politics. I have been told by Justin's social worker when he had one and by people who use to work there. They work with the people who are willing to foster and take the kids that they call on all the time over people like myself who are interested in fostering to adopt. I have been told if they offer a child to you and you state that they are not a good match or you are not willing to take them or if you take to long in your desion to take them that they will not call you for a while. That is hard. I feel like this connection could be great. This lady is the reason my friend was able to adopt the 2 kids. This women said she will let me meet them but will have me come in as a friend of hers as to not shack up the kids or make them feel like they are being picked or anything like that. And that is not my intent at all. I just want to see how we connect. That child will be living in your house the rest of your life and if you take them in and it doesn't work then that is another loss to the child that I don't want happening. I would love to meet the child with my family and she how the interaction is. Well this is a hope at least. I feel like I at least have one person on the inside looking out for me and she will be able to tell me the truth on any issues the kids may have so that I am prepared. I know when I have been called from dhs they don't tell you everything for the hope you will just take them in because they can't find a place for them.

I feel good about this and hope it works out. I am really tring to shake this but I still think about those kids I said no about taking. I still wonder how they are and if they found a family for all 3 of the kids. I hate this guilty feeling I feel. I know we could have tried to make it work but my husband was so strong on no I knew I couldn't change his mind. I am trying my best to just pray for them and hope they found a family so that I don't keep thinking about them.

Easter Celebration.

Three generations of papa, dad and justin working together to put his puzzle he got on easter together.

More gift for Justin from the family he is so loved and spoiled by so many that he has touched.

A sweet moment with grandpa after he had hide some eggs for Justin at there house.

My sister in laws dog who is practicly there child stops to pose as the easter bunny.

Before church looking for easter eggs outside

He found the basket and some eggs inside.

In the morning we did the Easter egg hunt inside then got dressed did the easter egg hunt outside. Had us all take a shower to be ready for church at 9:30 which Justin did give me a little bit of a hard time but I had to remind him how important the day was and how dad is even going as a family to celebrate Jesus. He did great at the church.

We came home to watch a DVD Justin got for easter from the easter bunny together. Then I baked some cookies and cut some vegetables to take over to Grandma and papa's house. Justin couldn't wait to go over there to show grandma what he got her for easter and her birthday and I think he knew they hide some easter eggs for him at there house. Enjoy some cute pictures of the day I tried to capture. If I was allowed to take a picture in the church I would have of Justin singing it was too cute.

Happy Easter

I know it is early but if I don't do it now I will not get to it between going to church (and yeah my husband is going too and justin is so excited we are going to church as a family not just me and him) and then doing the easter egg hunt and his basket and over Tim's mom's house for easter and her birthday. Her birthday landed on Easter this year Kinda crazy but cool. Hear are some pictures I took of him in his easter attire this moring below hope you like.

Please by the way pray for those three kids that they are having a good Easter and that maybe they get to spend it together for there sake. I can't stop thinking of them and just wish them the best.
I am so lucky to have this little boy. Look how happy he is. He was such a ham when I took these pictures.

Made the desion on Monday and it still hurts

So I told them no on Monday to taking all 3 kids or splitting all 3 kids which ever way you look at it and it still hurts. I think about them and wonder if they found a home for them. I thought this would be easy without ever meeting them and putting a face to these kids. I have never meet them or anything before but my heart still aches for them. I have said no before but it never felt like this. I say no and think about them the rest of the day but then try to push them out of my head so that I don't dwell like I am now about them. This time my mind just keeps going while I can tell my husband is totally different and has thought about it again since saying no. I don't know why this is and if anyone else has felt this but it is bothering me and I wanted to share.